This Mother's Day I found myself surrounded by hurting friends.  Just two days before the celebrated day, very dear friends of ours, along with their entire family and community, found themselves unexpectedly grieving the sudden death of their 38 week gestation little girl.  Another very dear friend of mine who served as my doula in Kenya for the birth of our son, recently unexpectedly lost her own son who was in his early twenties and very newly married.  And yet another very dear friend is mourning the sudden passing of her own mother.

I myself have experienced some sad Mother's Days, like the one right after we lost our first baby, or several years when I didn't know where my own mother was and had no contact with her, though I longed for it.  But I don't remember it ever occurring to me how much sadness Mother's Day must bring to many, for many different reasons. I think of women like my Kenyan sister in law who has been married for 3 years now and has not yet conceived a baby.  Her husband is getting impatient, the community is getting suspicious, and she grows more ashamed, fearful, and desperate as time marches on.

I don't mean to be depressing, but lately it feels like I've been faced a lot more with the harder, sadder parts of childbearing than anything else.  It's easy when everything goes beautifully and as planned.  When it's all by the book and it's all glorious smiles and victories ANYONE could and would want to do this with their lives.  But I'm realizing that when we're tried and tested with the challenges, emergencies, disappointments, chaos, and heartbreak, we come face to face with our true self.  What kind of woman, friend, midwife, doula, and most importantly, Christian, am I?  Am I REALLY willing to get down in the deep dark trenches with these precious women at the point of their greatest suffering and needs, or do I only want to be a part of the happy, fun, beautiful moments when everything goes "right"?

Whenever we're visiting the U.S. I find it so challenging to explain how dire the situation is in Kenya when it comes to childbearing and the medical system in general.  It's hard for the average American to conceptualize it in any way because they don't have any point of reference.  There is a lot of sadness and hardship surrounding it all, but because of Jesus there is ALWAYS hope.  There's always a dream of a brighter day.  There's always joy and strength, even in the midst of pain that is so deep it seems debilitating.

That's what God reminded me this Mother's Day.  We are called be a part of the most incredible, beautiful, miraculous, life-changing event a woman can experience.  But we are also called to love them, encourage them, and support them through the darkest, most devastating kinds of life changing moments a woman could ever possibly experience as well.  We are to give our time, our hearts, our strength, and our wisdom to the women in our lives.  We are to give sacrificially and lovingly.  I pray the Lord will help me be more like Jesus as I strive to pour myself out and love like He does - through good times and bad, the best and the worst.

"For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:

a time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;

a time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up;

a time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;"
Ecclesiastes 3:1-4

Martin and Jannekah Guya with their babies, Amariah, Ezriel and Adali Lynn