On August 11th, the man who led my husband to the Lord and played a huge role in our meeting, and married us, was in a horrible car accident.  He is currently in ICU in a comatose state and on life support.  Apart from a fantastic miracle, we don’t expect him to be with us much longer.  I’ve been with him and his family at the hospital, helping coordinate things and give all the support I can every single day for the past several weeks.  I’m sure you’re wondering what this has to do with midwifery, but surprisingly, it’s a lot!  Because just two days before his accident we got to spend the whole day with him in our home.  After he left I was so inspired and excited, I wrote this, intending to submit it to the Charis newsletter:

Today I was visited by my husband’s spiritual father, who had just arrived back in the country from a very rural part of Tanzania.  He told me that while he was there he couldn’t stop thinking about me because of the countless women who came to him to ask for prayer.  He said nearly ALL of them were asking for prayer for physical women's issues.  He said he met many families, some which he knew personally, who had lost their mothers unnecessarily in childbirth.  He recounted story after tragic story to me.  He said he believes God told him that he needs to do more than preaching and praying – that they’re dying because of lack of knowledge.

I was surprised when he admitted that he was most horrified by the men.  He said they completely work their women to death (literally!) and require them to give birth to baby after baby after baby until they either die or are completely haggard, at which point the men simply replace them with a newer younger wife and repeat the process, leaving the first wife and all those babies in squalor.  Mind you, this is an AFRICAN man being horrified by this.  He wanted me and his wife to go to that village and teach the women.  I told him that would be useless if the men weren't on board, so HE needed to come (hopefully with my husband too=) and get all the pastors and chiefs and local men involved also.  I told him that there's a lot I can do to help, but in order for there to be REAL change, the MEN will have to lead it.

Interestingly enough, I recently came across just such an initiative taking place in Malawi.  It’s called the Safe Motherhood Initiative.  One chief shared in an interview that not a day goes by where local chiefs aren’t on the radio or holding classes for the men in their communities to teach them about all things child bearing and maternal health.  They are discussing completely culturally taboo topics, but guess what, it’s coming from the chief so it’s ok!  I can’t tell you how many groups of women I’ve spoken with who actually lament over the information I’ve shared with them.  “Wow, that’s really nice.  Sounds amazing!”  They say.  “Wish we could live like that, but how can that work for us if our husbands won’t allow it?  How can we space our children if our husbands aren’t on board?  How can we stand up to the abuse and torture we receive from the medical system if our husband isn’t there and we’re culturally not allowed to talk about those kinds of things – even with our own husbands?!  How can we ask our MALE doctor questions about taboo subjects?  How can we even tell him what we want and don’t want if he lords his position over us?”  It’s like dangling this beautiful possibility in front of them, which they can never ever have the joy of experiencing.  Good intentions can end up being cruel.

Reminds me of something I was reading about poverty recently – how that wise old saying about giving a man a fish versus teaching a man to fish doesn’t actually work if the man doesn’t live near a body of water.  And I just keep seeing it over and over.  All these great ideas and wonderful initiatives with millions of dollars that never come close to touching, not to mention changing, the heart of the issue.  They often end up doing more harm than good with very well meaning, and sometimes very arrogant, ideas of how to help.

After our pastor left, the wheels in my head wouldn’t stop turning.  I was thinking how in rural areas like that there’s so little, if anything, going on to address maternal/baby health and if we get in there before a system is set up that has been undone and changed first, it makes the work much easier.  How awesome would it be if we could be the ones setting the standard!?  A standard of HOLSITIC midwifery.  A standard that displays a better way that others will want to follow.

I’ve been doing a lot of research on grants for a completely unrelated issue, but not a day goes by that I don’t come across initiatives for maternal health.  And they’re ALL chanting, “Make birth safe! Get these African women into the hospitals to give birth!”  AHHHHHHHHHHHH!  I just want to scream, “HAVE YOU EVER EXPERIENCED A BIRTH IN A TYPICAL AFRICAN HOSPITAL!?!?!?”  Talk about teaching a man to fish in the middle of the Sahara Desert!  This is the kind of thing that stirs the passion in me.  It seems like the whole world is working to improve maternal and fetal mortality and great strides have been made and that’s awesome!  But I can’t help wondering why we’re only concerned with a woman living through birth and not at all bothered by the severe and LIFELONG physical and emotional scars left on her by her birth experience.  Should we be patting ourselves on the back and applauding the fact that a woman manages to live through a horrific birth experience?!

One of the mothers I helped recently shared with me that her own mother had such a traumatic birth experience with her sister that her mother hated her own daughter her whole life.  If the little girl ever misbehaved, her mother would just run into her room and cry, feeling the girl was put on the earth to torture her – from birth.  She treated this daughter different than her other daughters, which caused that little girl to grow up feeling rejected and unworthy all her life.  Can you imagine?!  That mother and sweet, innocent baby girl indeed lived through the birth process.  But is that good enough?!  It’s my prayer that pregnancy, birth, and family life will start to be addressed as a holistic issue.  That whole families and communities will be involved and take responsibility for their part in protecting and valuing their mommies and babies in every way.  May we never rest until families, communities, and the system as a whole is transformed in a way that brings glory to God because it looks like what HE intended it to look like.

For more information on The Safe Motherhood Initiative visit
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2sO9vOT2Pkk

Reference to poverty article:
http://www.brighthopeworld.com/who-poverty.asp