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Charis Around
the World
Tidbits From Ebony
by Elizabeth Carmichael
Greetings from Ebony! I finally returned after a nine month
furlough, and I've hit the ground running. During my time in
the States, I had the honor of taking one of my dearest friends and
her husband through a whole childbirth education series for their
first pregnancy.
Unfortunately, however, as I boarded the plane to Ebony I learned
she was being sent back for an unplanned cesarean. She was a
high risk pregnancy as she has Type I diabetes, but she desperately
wanted to have a natural birth. The baby was determined to be
in distress, however, and they brought him out at 37 weeks. He
has been in and out of NICU with some breathing difficulties, so I
know this has been an emotional roller coaster for my friend.
The thought occurred to me, How can I encourage a woman who wanted a
natural birth and just had a cesarean instead?? I must
confess, some of these statements are not originally from me.
I'm indebted to others who gave me advice about what to say.
I'm not submitting this as some sort of expert on what to say in
times like these, but I just wanted to share the journey with you.
:-)
Here is my letter to Ruth:
Dear Ruth,
Hey, gorgeous one. If you ever get the chance or even WANT to
at all, I would love to Skype or just hear from you, or be able to
call you or something. I absolutely don't NEED to for MY sake,
but if you have space and capacity for that, do let me know. I
would love to just listen to your heart and hear about what happened
and how Evan and you and Jim are doing. If you want to ever
write that out, or even just one sentence prayer requests, please
know I will receive them and faithfully pray.
Of course there is TONS to say and I'm sure your life right now is
FULL of Evan and greetings from others and learning to breastfeed
and processing what happened, and trying to get recovered enough to
go home, and still control blood sugars, and all of those things.
I AM PRAYING FOR YOU and our GOD IS WITH YOU. Don't you give
into the thought that you are alone in this battle to care for your
body and Evan's. The One who formed your body is working in
you and giving you the will to do what is required.
Reading about and talking with other people who have had cesareans
when they didn't want to really moves me. For so many women,
it can feel like a failure and, at the very least, just a huge
disappointment. I imagine you've faced some of that
disappointment in recent days, but mixed also with the awesomeness
of having Evan in your arms.
How is that feeling? Do the negative feelings become muted in
the face of the great feelings of being with Evan face to face,
seeing Jim hold him, etc?? Or, is it still pretty mixed up in
your heart?
I hope you're feeling like you are able to connect really well with
Evan, but it is a reality that the hormones of labor didn't rush
through you like they could have, so I am praying that God gives you
wisdom and grace to "go through the motions" of bonding even if/when
you don't feel a hormonal urge....that you'll spend long hours
looking him in the eyes and face, that you will feel his little body
and massage him, that you will whisper to him cheek to cheek and let
him feel your heart beat and breathing, that you will declare the
Lord's promises over him, sing to him and talk constantly to him as
you have been.
I'm also believing that, by His grace, you don't even have to miss
any of that bonding and feeling that comes with natural birth!
He is able to do exceedingly beyond what we ask or imagine!
Some women, when they have cesareans, feel like they didn't even
give birth to their baby....like the baby was just cut out of them.
As midwives or professionals who work in natural childbirth circles,
this can sometimes be the language we use about it as well.
And, just by the very fact that your body is the source of the
diabetes that may or may not have led to this....I just wonder if it
adds to a feeling of guilt, failure, or of being robbed...or some
combination of all of it. I don't want to add to your negative
thoughts or feelings, or say you SHOULD be feeling ANY of these
things. If you aren't, YAY! Live in freedom!! But,
if you have twinges of any of this, I don't want it to remain unsaid
and hidden. Because the words failure, guilt, fault, "didn't
give birth," was robbed of God's best or any other phrase or term
like these that are going through your head are lies, sweet friend.
They are just plain lies.
Giving birth to a child means growing, providing for, and bringing a
child into this world despite the way they are brought in...natural
or not. Your baby will NOT treat you differently because of
the way he came into the world! You are his mama and you have
done your first job....now you have the rest of your life to
complete it, in partnership with Jim! (I know he wishes I had
said "in submission to Jim.") ;-)
My prayer is that if you feel sad about it in days to come, you and
Jim will be able to talk it out, giving grace and patience to
yourselves as you cling to Jesus. I pray you will be thankful
for the medical services available and the committed care givers who
wanted to see healthy Baby and Mama at the end of the day!
Even in that, I am also praying that the sense of surprise and
trauma of it all will be re- djusted to God's view. Just as
ever, GOD was not anxious, was not tense or in a hurry, was not
disappointed in you OR in the events He already foresaw for Evan's
birth. He knew every detail of what was happening and was
involved and holding you all in each second.
I pray it won't be long before you realize this outcome wasn't your
fault and there was nothing more you could have done to prepare for
or prevent it. You know there is always the chance for a VBAC
for future children and, REGARDLESS, God is good, He loves you
immensely, and He is NOT withholding any good thing from you.
He who did not even spare His own Son is graciously, along with Him,
giving you ALL things you need and working every circumstances
together for your good and the good of others who love Him and love
you as well (Rom 8).
You are His precious treasure, the apple of His eye, just like Evan
is to you now.....even MORE so! Can you even fathom that????
Unbelievable! Lean into His chest, sweet friend. CALL ON
HIS NAME to help you, hold you, calm you, give you understanding and
mold you into all that Evan needs to thrive. REST in Him when
serving Evan, recovering from surgery, greeting guests, and
processing these events gets the best of you......EMBRACE the rest
He offers as He gently steers your heart with His easy yoke and His
light burden.
Sweet Jesus, in the week ahead, I pray you would take Ruth and Jim
on a journey through the birth of their son, remembering the moments
and the emotional ups and downs. I pray you would walk them
through, and that THEY would give you the space in their minds and
hearts to do this, so that you can speak to them about YOUR
perspective on those moments and those events. I know you have
things to say, Jesus, because you were there. You were, as
always, holding everything together even in those moments. And
Jim and Ruth were surrendered to you. They were at your mercy.
And, your mercy did not disappoint them although it may feel that
way. Please speak to them, Jesus, and show them how to
rejoice, not only in Evan, of COURSE!, but also in the journey that
led to sweet Evan's arrival in their arms. Lord, let your
promises and presence be the light to their path right now, that
moment by moment they would know how to love and serve each other
and Evan. Give them the grace to gain YOU more and more as
they must entrust Evan to you, not clinging to him as a possession,
but as a reward and a gift you have given as a stewardship.
Give them GREAT DELIGHT in this beautiful son, Lord, and help them
taste YOUR delight in all three of them!!
I believe in you guys!!!! I love you. I am praying.
I miss you so much.
Love,
EC
** Finally, just a note to say that they are all safely home from
the hospital and doing very well.
Our International Charis
Family
Your stories from around the world touch us and we pray for your
safety.
Thanks, Love and Blessings to every one of you! |
