About
Children
Hitting, Kicking, Biting and Hair Pulling
Gentle Ways to Encourage Good Behavior without Whining, Tantrums &
Tears
By Elizabeth Pantley, Author of the No-Cry Discipline Solution
Children resort to aggressive behaviors because of a lack of wisdom
and self-control. It is not a sign that a child is hateful or mean.
Kids are human beings and human beings will get angry, we can’t
prevent that. What we can do is teach our children how to handle
their frustration and anger in appropriate ways. If your child uses
these physical acts to express her feelings, use some of the
following tips to change her behavior.
Intercede before it happens
Watch your child during playtime. When you see her becoming
frustrated or angry - intervene. Coach her through the issue. Teach
her what to do, or model what to say to her friend. Or if she seems
too upset to learn, redirect her attention to another activity until
her emotions level out.
Teach and explain
It’s one thing to tell a child what not to do or to step into an
argument and solve it yourself. It’s another thing entirely to teach
her what to do in advance of the next problem. This can be done
through role-play, discussion, and reading a few children’s books
about angry emotions.
Examine hidden causes
Is your child hungry, tired, sick, jealous, frustrated, bored or
scared? If you can identify any feelings driving your child’s
actions you can address those along with the aggressive behavior.
Give more attention to the injured party
Often the child who hits gets so much attention that the action
becomes a way of gaining the spotlight. Instead, give more attention
to the child who was hurt. After a brief statement, “No hitting!”
turn and give attention to the child who was wronged, “Come here and
Mommy will give you a hug and read you a book.”
Teach positive physical touches
Show your child how to hold hands during a walk or how to give a
back rub or foot massage. Teach a few physical games, like tag or
cat’s cradle. Under direct supervision, children who are more
physical can gain a positive outlet for their physical energy.
Teach the clapping method
Tell a child to clap his hands whenever he feels an urge to hit.
This gives him an immediate outlet for his emotions and helps him
learn to keep his hands to himself. An alternate is to teach him to
put his hands in his pockets when he feels like hitting. Reward with
praise anytime you see he’s successful.
Give your child a time out
To use Time Out when a child acts out aggressively, immediately and
gently take the child by the shoulders, look him in the eye and say,
“No hurting others, time out.” Guide the child to a chair and tell
him, “You may get up when you can play without hitting.” By telling
him that he can get up when he’s ready, you let him know that he is
responsible for controlling his own behavior. If the child gets up
and hits again, say, “You are not ready to get up yet,” and direct
him back to time out.
Avoid play hitting and wrestling
Young children who roughhouse with a parent or sibling during play
time might then use these same actions during non-wrestling times.
It can be hard for them to draw the line between the two. If you
have a child who has trouble controlling his physical acts then
avoid this kind of play.
Don’t lose control
When you see your child hurting another child it’s easy to get
angry. This won’t teach your child what she needs to learn: how to
control her emotions when others are making her mad. You are mad at
her, so she’ll be watching how you handle your anger.
Don’t let your child watch violent TV or video games
Children can become immune to the impact of violence, and they may
copy what they see depicted on the screen. Avoid viewing shows that
portray aggression as an appropriate way of handling anger.
Don’t assume your child can figure it out
If your child comes to you about a difficult situation, don’t send
him away for tattling. But don’t step in and handle it for him,
either. View his call for help as an invitation to teach him
important social skills.
Don’t focus on punishment
More than anything your child needs instructions on how to treat
other human beings, particularly during moments of anger or
frustration.
Copyright ©
Elizabeth Pantley
http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth
Elizabeth Pantley
Excerpted with permission by McGraw-Hill/Contemporary Publishing
from The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep
Through the Night
by Elizabeth Pantley
'Behold, I will bring them from the north country, And gather them
from the ends of the earth,
Among them the blind and the lame,
The woman with child and The one who labors with child, together,
A
great throng shall return there...And My people shall be satisfied with My goodness, says the LORD.'
Jeremiah 31:8, 14~~~
©2009 Charis Childbirth
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July 2009
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