About
Children
Listen With Your Heart
Kathryn Joseph listens to baby Jack with her heart.
Kid Cooperation
How to Stop Yelling, Nagging, Pleading and Get Kids to
Cooperate
By Elizabeth Pantley, Author of the No-Cry Discipline Solution
Think
back to when you were growing up, and all the times when you felt
self-doubt, confusion, and frustration. It’s tough growing up! You
can help your children get through the bumps and bruises of
childhood by simply being there for them. Children need to know that
when the whole world feels like it’s crashing down around them, they
have one safe, secure place to go, and one bottomless source of
unconditional love.
Listening is as much a skill as giving a speech is a skill. It’s not
just a matter of picking up sounds: active listening involves an
array of behaviors that express your attention, empathy, and
respect. Listening to your children in this way will go far toward
convincing them of your unconditional love. Keep these guidelines in
mind when your child has something important to say to you.
~~ Put down your paper or dishtowel. Shut off the TV. Maintain as
much eye contact as your child seems comfortable with. Make body
contact, such as a hand to the shoulder, if that seems appropriate.
Often, when children are trying to express a problem, thought or
concern, their parents say they are listening, but half of their
attention is somewhere else. You can’t con a child this way.
Typically, a few minutes of sincere, attentive listening is worth
more than an hour of letting your child talk while you carry on with
another activity.
~~ Don’t rush to jump in with solutions, ideas or lectures. Often,
children just need a sounding board. They need another person
listening to give them an opportunity to figure out exactly what
they want to do. Solving your child’s problem may give you the
relief of ending his or her discomfort; but, in the long term, it’s
worth far more to them to get the support they need to formulate
solutions on their own.
~~ Demonstrate that you’re listening by asking appropriate questions
and making “listening” sounds such as: “Hmmm,” “Oh,” “Really?”
“Darn!” “Wow!”
~~ Validates your child’s fears and feelings. When our children come
to us with negative emotions, it’s far too tempting to minimize
them: “Oh, don’t worry about it.” “There’s nothing to be afraid of.”
These comments do much more harm than good. It’s important for
children to learn to trust their own feelings and to listen to them.
By brushing them off, you’re giving your child the message that his
or her feelings are wrong or unimportant. You can validate your
child’s feelings instead with such comments as, “That sounds
embarrassing.” “It can hurt to feel left out.” “That must be
frustrating.”
~~ Help your child to focus on possible solutions, rather than
getting mired in the problem. If the situation isn’t one that can be
solved—if it’s a condition rather than a problem—encourage your
child to express his or her feelings fully, and then move on. Help
your child use forward thinking phrases like, “I bet you wish . . .”
or “Wouldn’t it be nice if . . .” or “What do you think you’ll do
now?”
Copyright ©
Elizabeth Pantley
http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth
Elizabeth Pantley
Excerpted with permission by McGraw-Hill/Contemporary Publishing
from The No-Cry Discipline Solution: Gentle Ways to Encourage
Good Behavior without Whining, Tantrums & Tears
by Elizabeth Pantley
'Behold, I will bring them from the north country, And gather them
from the ends of the earth,
Among them the blind and the lame,
The woman with child and The one who labors with child, together,
A
great throng shall return there...And My people shall be satisfied with My goodness, says the LORD.'
Jeremiah 31:8, 14~~~
©2009 Charis Childbirth
Services, All Rights Reserved
Feel free to forward this newsletter to friends in its entirety,
leaving all attribution intact.
August 2009
|