The Secret Power Behind the Childbirth Professional

Part Two

By Todd Schuchmann

A Strong Support Team

“Quality Relationships - Life’s Lubricant”

One lesson I remember from physics is that if an object is dropped in a vacuum there is no limit to how fast it will fall. On the other hand, if the object is dropped in normal atmosphere, the friction of the air will cause the object to slow and reach a “maximum velocity”, the fastest that object can travel.

This law can be applied to our lives as well. Obviously, we do not live in a vacuum, so each one of us has our own “maximum velocity”. The speed of “life operation” is determined by the amount of “friction” we encounter in life. Forces move in upon us and can limit what we accomplish, often wearing us down in the process. In essence, the less friction we encounter in life, the smoother the journey and the better we can serve others.

By far, our greatest potential “friction” and also “lubrication” in life is relationships. The people in our lives either add to our ability to answer God’s call or detract from it. Think of it this way: Our relationships either lubricate our life and set us up for greater accomplishment or are a source of friction that can slow down our progress.

A correlation to this is the closer the relationship, the more effect that relationship has on us. A stranger can walk up to us in a store and compliment us and it feels good; but if our spouse or close friend compliments us, those words can power us up the rest of the day, and sometimes even longer. Conversely, an unkind word from our spouse or close friend can wound us severely; creating damage that is not easily repaired.

So how can we, along with our spouse and close friends, develop relationships that support God’s purpose and plan for our lives? The following are a few keys to strong and effective relationship development that I pray will help.


The quality of the relationship is determined by the quality of communication.

Please do not think husbands or friends have any clue regarding the passion and compulsion the childbirth professional feels toward her calling. The husband possibly sees his wife spending extended time away from home, his needs and desires delayed or forgotten, and the emotional and physical energies of his wife spent on others and not on him. The friends see someone with a strange “hobby” who may not be as available to them as other friends and who seems consumed with things with which they are unfamiliar or uninterested.

Because of this, the first key is to build effective bridges of communication. Your heart and passions will not be understood or appreciated if they are not communicated. Good two way communication is an important building block in the foundation of all good relationships. Listen. Share. Be genuinely interested.

Be intentional about spending time together in an atmosphere conducive to good communication. This goes for all relationships, but especially for marriage. A great practice for couples is to set aside time each day to just sit on the sofa and talk about things important to you. Kristin and I spend quite a bit of time talking and sharing and listening. That’s actually how our friendship in the beginning grew into something much more. We liked communicating with each other and liked what we were discovering about each other. Kristin says that as she got to know me, I quickly became her favorite person. I sure am glad she took the time to listen and learn about me!

Did you know that there are still things to discover about your spouse? Even after many years together, husbands and wives can still enjoy the thrill of discovery as they spend time sharing their hearts with each other. If it is important to you, it is important to your spouse… and if it is important to your spouse, it better be important to you! Guys, take your wife out on dates that will allow enough TIME and the right atmosphere for the two of you to really listen and hear each other. A date to the movies is not going to help your relationship in the communication arena. A date to the Botanical Gardens, however, could.

I mentioned TIME. It does not usually come naturally for a guy to be able to sit and listen for hours on end, but I encourage you men to grow a little in this area and take time to really hear your wife. You will reap great rewards in your marriage if you will listen and genuinely care about what your wife is sharing and then respond with positive and encouraging words and actions.

Husbands, your communication has the power fan into flames the dreams of your wife or to crush those dreams forever. The heart of your wife is a sacred gift entrusted to you; treat it gently and with reverence.

Wives, likewise, when your husband shares his heart, listen. He is your warrior hero and his ability to be your prince is very much affected by your words and affection. Speak unkindly or treat him poorly and he will certainly turn into a frog!


The strength of the relationship is determined by unity.

The goal of good communication is unity: unity of heart, unity of purpose, and unity of vision. Unity creates synergy. When unity exists we can accomplish more with less energy and less resources.

Unity, however, does have a price. The cost is selflessness. As long as we look out for ourselves, we will stand alone. In fact, as we sacrifice for others there is often more life satisfaction than if our own needs and desires were pursued. As Jesus said, those who seek to gain their life will lose and those who lose their life for His sake will gain it. This is one of the greatest secrets of Kingdom living.

Jesus, himself, demonstrated this on the cross; without which there would have been no resurrection and no possibility of eternal life for you and me. We could not have been in a position to be one with Christ if He had not first laid down His life for us. The same way that Christ initiated our unity with Him, husbands can initiate unity within marriage. The Lord instructs husbands in Ephesians 4 verse 25: Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up on its behalf. (We’ll talk more in depth about laying down one’s life in a future article.)


The power of the relationship is determined by intimacy with God.

Nothing in the Christian walk should occur without the involvement of God. Jesus did and said only what His Father told Him. Jesus has sent His Holy Spirit to lead, guide, and empower us. The Bible says that unless the Lord builds the house, the laborers work in vain. I do not think any of us want what we do to be in vain! The people we serve are too valuable and our time too precious to waste on efforts not empowered by God. The selflessness required for powerful unity is way too difficult if we try to do it on our own. We must receive power from God to succeed! We can, for a time and to a certain extent, do good in our own strength; but if we truly want to have the greatest success possible in life, we NEED help from God. The closer we draw to Him, the more effective our key relationships will be and the better we can serve others.

I want to stress that I am talking about more than just “Bible knowledge” and “praying to God for our needs to be met”. I am talking about a living, dynamic friendship with God. One in which there is two-way communication, sweet times of relational connection, and the sense and knowledge that, every moment of every day, I am walking in the presence of the Lord. There is no place more empowering and fulfilling!

It is my desire for each person who is reading this to have that kind of relationship with Father God. Kristin and I are here to help you experience our Father that way. Please let us know if by reading this God is stirring something in your heart. We would love to talk with you.


Summary

I recently listened to a Focus on the Family radio program where Coach Dungy of the Super Bowl Champion Indianapolis Colts was interviewed. When asked what contributed to the incredible success they had this past year, his response was unusual. Rather than touting the incredible athletic ability and performance of his team members, he mentioned that the football team that won last year was not his most talented team. During the previous several years, the team had much more inherent talent than this one. Those teams, however, fell short of the Super Bowl championship. The difference this past year was that many members of the team had personal challenges during the year and had suffered greatly, including Coach Dungy himself. During these trials, the team gathered around those who were hurting and supported them through their crisis. This created relationship bonds that were carried onto the field. The team unity and strength increased and champions were born. The Indianapolis Colts’ relationships “lubricated” the gears of the football machinery all the way to greatest prize in football.

Likewise, each of us is running for a prize. At the end of our days, those of us who have accepted the free gift of eternal life will stand before the Lord who loves us so much and get rewarded for that which was done in our lives. That reward, which is above and beyond the blessing of spending eternity with Jesus, is based on how we used the gifts and talents with which we were entrusted.

Our level of effectiveness on this earth is greatly affected by the strength and quality of the relationships around us. Understanding that truth, we can, with ever-increasing passion, pour our efforts into the health of the precious relationships with which God has so richly blessed us! How exciting to know that we can reduce the “friction” in each other’s lives and be the “lubricant” necessary to see each other’s God-given dreams more easily come to pass!

So until next time, walk in love friends,

Todd Schuchmann