About
Children
Gentle Ways to
Encourage Good Behavior
without Whining, Tantrums & Tears
From The No-Cry Discipline Solution by Elizabeth Pantley
Banish Common
Parenting Myths
As if it
isn't challenging enough to raising children, most parents believe
myths that make them feel confused and inadequate. These horrible
myths can spoil the joy of raising your children. You may have never
realized how intensely these beliefs affect you, but they do. After
you identify the myths that color your daily life, learn the truth
about each one. By acknowledging that these myths exist in your
life, you take the first step towards eliminating them. Learning the
truth will erase your doubts and leave you open to learning
effective new ways of raising your children. Here are a few of the
most common parenting myths:
MYTH:
If a
parent is truly attached and committed to a child, then that child
will behave properly.
TRUTH:
You
could be totally committed to your child from the moment of birth. You could do absolutely everything right. In fact, you could be a
magnificent, spectacular, utterly faultless saint, and your child
would still misbehave. The truth is: ALL children misbehave. ALL
children make mistakes. ALL children will have temper tantrums,
whine and fuss. It’s part of the process of growing up.
REALITY CHECK:
Love your child, and do the best you can. And don’t let normal
misbehavior wear down your confidence. Give yourself and your child
enough room to be human.
MYTH:
If
you love your child, and if your intentions are good, parenting will
come naturally to you.
TRUTH: Loving your child is easy. Raising your child is hard. Effective parenting
skills are learned. Parenting is complicated, intense, and
ever-changing. In order to be a calm, effective, parent you need
knowledge and skills, but almost no one is born with these skills.
REALITY CHECK:
Just
like driving a car, mastering a computer program, or becoming
skilled at any sport or hobby – good parenting is something we need
to learn. You can learn by trial-and-error – but that can be wildly
frustrating. Instead, take a class, read a book, join a support
group – you’ll be amazed to find that a few good tips can make your
life much easier.
MYTH:
You
should read baby books and take a baby care class when you are a new
parent, after that you’ll figure out how to raise your child on your
own - through experience.
TRUTH:
Taking
care of a baby is our first step in the journey of parenthood. Just
when we feel confident with our skills for raising babies, we turn
around to find many of the things that we’ve learned do not apply to
a walking, talking toddler. We adjust our approach, only to find
that disrupted when our toddler turns into a preschooler, and again
when he becomes a grade-schooler, and again when he enters the teen
years . . . and yet again when our child graduates and moves on to
college or adult life.
REALITY CHECK:
We
actually have a brand new parenting job each time our child passes
from one milestone to another in his life. Just like any other
undertaking, the more knowledge you have at each step of the way,
the more confident you will feel and the easier your job will be,
and the better your life-long relationship with your child.
MYTH:
If
parents are a perfectly matched couple, and they have a strong
relationship, then they will agree about how to raise their
children.
TRUTH:
It’s
very common for two parents, even those who are perfectly matched
and in a happy relationship, to disagree about child-rearing
approaches. Some may disagree about baby care issues, yet others
will be perfectly in sync during the baby years and then find they
are at odds when their child becomes school age or enters the teen
years. The way that we approach child-rearing is influenced by
our own past experiences – both the things we choose to do, and the
things we try to avoid. It is nearly impossible for two people to be
in perfect agreement on every parenting decision.
REALITY CHECK:
Even when we agree on basic fundamental parenting theory, we might
slightly disagree on approach. Even if we agree on approach, our
differing personalities guarantee that we won’t always handle things
in exactly the same way. Good communication and ongoing discussion
can help any couple to find agreement on important issues as they
raise their children.
MYTH:
Good
parents don’t lose their patience and yell at their children.
TRUTH:
Even the most peaceful easy-going parent loses patience and yells
from time to time. No matter how much we love our children, they
will try our patience, they will make mistakes, and they will make
us mad. All children have their “naughty” moments. And, guess what?
When children are “naughty”--- parents lose their patience and
<gasp> they YELL.
REALITY CHECK:
Just like driving a car, mastering a computer program, or becoming
skilled at any sport or hobby – good parenting is something we need
to learn. You can learn by trial-and-error – but that can be wildly
frustrating. Instead, take a class, read a book, join a support
group – you’ll be amazed to find that a few good tips can make your
life much easier.
Take some time to think about these and other myths, theories,
ideals and expectations that you have believed . Ponder where these
beliefs originated, and why you believe them to be truth. Then
contemplate what you learning about the truth of the matter. When
you analyze myths and replace them with your own truth, it can help
you to approach parenting in a more honest, uncluttered and
enjoyable way.
Robert and Elizabeth Pantley with their four children.
Click
here
to visit Elizabeth's web site and peruse her full range of books and
services.
Parenting educator Elizabeth Pantley is president of Better
Beginnings Inc., a family resource and education company.
Pantley
frequently speaks to parents in schools, hospitals, and parent
groups, and her presentations are received with enthusiasm and
praise.
'Behold, I will bring them from the north country, And gather them
from the ends of the earth,
Among them the blind and the lame,
The woman with child and The one who labors with child, together,
A
great throng shall return there...And My people shall be satisfied with My goodness, says the LORD.'
Jeremiah 31:8, 14
~~~
©2009 Charis Childbirth
Services, All Rights Reserved
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June 2010
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