Charis Around the World

Tidbits from Ebony
by Elizabeth Carmichael

Through A Father's Eyes in Ebony

Dear Charis Family,

Greetings from Ebony! Thank you for lifting up the training session I was involved in last month in Glory Land.  It was a very special time.  19+ Pushpin women were trained in teaching methodology, philosophy and basic skills for preventing and managing emergency situations in pregnancy, childbirth and postpartum. Please remember them as they seek how to strategically pass on the information and skills they've learned!

One sweet, older lady was inspired by the course and started dreaming about the region where she is from.  We will call that region, "Woodland."  She said to me one day, with a whimsical look in her eyes, "We really need this training in Woodland!"  I encouraged her to develop a project for Woodland, especially since it will need to be the local people who reach that area. The area is too insecure for ex-patriot workers.  Not that our lives are worth any more than local lives, but often we bring a high profile to a project and, therefore, put local workers and local communities in more danger than if a local person became empowered to take on the task for themselves.

At the end of the course, I said to her, "OK, we're going to Woodland, right?!  You'll start the project there?"  Her response was so affirming,  "Yes! I want to! And, you will come.  And......we will eat rice!"

In such an emotionally charged moment, it was kind of anti-climactic to hear her say, "...and we will eat rice!"

I mean, that is what we eat.....ALL THE TIME. EVERYWHERE. EVERYDAY. :-)  But, I guess that was her way of saying,  "We'll feast on the goodness of the land there!"  What a sweet woman.

Thank you for your petitions as I continue to work with Pushpin women, sharing the blessing and burden of teaching communities about safe childbirth.  Please enjoy the tidbit this month (below).  It has been on my heart to share with you for quite some time.  I might have done well to save it for "Father's Day" month, but why should great dads only get one month, right?  Where there's a mom, there's been a dad!  So, Happy Mother's Day, Charis!  Maybe next year I'll have an appropriately timed Mother's Day tidbit. :-)

Love in Him,
Elizabeth Carmichael

Through A Father's Eyes in Ebony

Outside the restaurant the evening light dimmed with the setting sun.  Surrounding shop signs were switched on.  Stray dogs roamed around outside hoping for a bite to eat.  Our dinner party was seated at a long table by the window.  Perfect for people watching as well as discussing things amongst ourselves.  Trey, my friend and co-worker in the country of Ebony, sat down across from me because I had asked if I could talk to him about being a father in Ebony.  With two small children, and having lived in Ebony for a number of years now, Trey was the perfect candidate for my questions.  Before we could order our food, a very large man with silvery white hair and a very large, silvery white mustache came and put his very large hands on Trey's shoulders so that he could speak over us a hearty, Turkish welcome to his restaurant. We both ordered a classic Turkish dish, "Eskender."  Slow roasted mutton in a tomato-y sauce over a fresh piece of Central Asian bread.  Mmmmm....it doesn't really help the heart, but it sure blesses the mouth!

As I asked Trey my final question over our meal,  he paused and I thought I saw tears well up in his eyes.  Without allowing them to spill over, and with strong conviction in his voice, he shared with me his advice for other men, other fathers, who may be considering overseas ministry with their families:

"All I can say to them is... Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength.  And trust Him completely--with your heart and your life, as well as that of your family.  That's really all there is."

One of the reasons I had such a desire to speak with Trey about this subject, is that he and his family are entering a time of transition. After years of faithful and perseverant service, they are praying about the next area of service the Heavenly Father might have for them.  It is a painful time of letting go of the fields they have sown and planted and watered, and looking ahead at ground that is unexplored and untilled.  As an individual, any such transition can be daunting.  But, as a father, a man carries the burden and blessing of also leading and nurturing his family out of the old and into the new.

Trey and his wife became involved in overseas work, in large part, due to the fruitful teaching and guidance of the strong community of believers they were a part of back home.  Several years ago, the Lord used the teaching of the Shepherd and the growing maturity of the Body there to raise up three families and one single woman to come together to Ebony and serve Him there.  Trey's family was among them.

Adventures galore awaited the "Trey Family" in the region of Ebony--childbearing overseas, team and organizational leadership roles, moving from house to house, new languages, unfamiliar foods, ministry challenges, persecution, violence, excitement, close knit relationships with other brothers and sisters, grief, joy, intimate fellowship with the Father, miracles, amazing vacations (Trey is known for being an excellent vacation planner and bargain hunter!) and more..... Despite all the roles he fills and experiences he's had thus far overseas, Trey unabashedly declares that one of his favorite, most significant experiences is that of being a father to his little girl and boy.

I will never experience the role of fatherhood.  I cannot imagine the love and concern that must grip a father's heart when he considers his children.  I cannot imagine the exhaustion of pouring out wisdom, guidance and prayer on their behalf day after day.  I cannot begin to empathize with the light in Trey's eyes when he speaks about the deep joy he feels as the wooden gate of his compound creeks open and his children run toward him across their yard, open armed and gleefully shouting, when he comes in from the day's work.  They jump up and down, crash into his legs, and talk over each other about how the bunnies and turtles are doing and how high they were able to make it on the tire swing!  In these ways, fatherhood, whether in Ebony or in America, must seem a similar experience for men who follow after our Heavenly Father's heart.

Trey has a view for different things as well, however. He has concerns that are quite specific to raising children overseas and, more pointedly, in Ebony. At times, some very heavy risks weigh on his heart.  Trey and his wife vigilantly pray for and make daily decisions to guard their children from becoming one of the many in Ebony who are injured or murdered as collateral damage to the violence prevalent in the region. They walk the fine line, trying not to be overly obsessed or protective but also wise as a cunning serpent, when giving their children and local neighbors guidelines about where and when they are allowed to play and with whom. Nearly all women I have ever met in Ebony have been physically and sexually abused in some way.  Little boys are often easily taken advantage of as well.  Many things considered abuse in the Western world are just a part of every day life here.  Lest I vilify the local people in your eyes over these things, you should also know that recent studies show it is fellow Western workers who have traditionally brought such hard things to children growing up overseas. The enemy certainly prowls, seeking those whom he can devour.  Trey knows his children are more vulnerable than he and that the enemy would like to destroy him by destroying them.  These risks are part of the cost that a father working overseas must count as he carries his family with him like sheep among wolves.  The tension must seem unbearable at times.  Humbling.  And, heart breaking.

As we spoke, I wondered if images flashed through Trey's mind of other risky moments with his kids.  Like the time his daughter fell and hit her head and needed to be rushed.......somewhere.  Probably more common for families serving overseas than overt violence or even abuse is the risk of severe medical concerns and the lack of appropriate medical care, facilities or medicines--especially for children.  In full fatherly fashion, Trey rushed through a warzone in the dark of night to get his daughter to a foreign military base where she was, thankfully, treated for only a concussion.

Even if he wasn't thinking of that moment as we talked, I was!  I remember receiving text messages and emails about her urgent situation and their search for health care that night.  Many people in the West and around the country were lifting her up.

Imagine the choices of a father only one hundred years ago, serving on the field overseas.  No text messages, no email, no urgent prayer requests going out over Facebook, no base to rush his daughter to, no car to rush her WITH, only the Heavenly Father to call upon.  Dependency might have been greater in those days, but higher costs were often more frequently paid as men and women faithfully walked out their vocation.  Lest you think this man stupid and foolish for leading his family to serve the Lord in Ebony, consider those who are examples to YOU in your faith.  You read their little devotional writings each morning.  You read the historical documentation or letters that were inspired by the Spirit and included in the Scriptural cannon!  You converse with the Heavenly Father who was pleased to bruise His own Son for the sake of us all. Trey's example begs the question, not of his own sensibility as a father, but of OUR willingness to wholeheartedly lead others into abandoning self and choosing HIS ways above our own wisdom.

Trey's confidence and source of strength in the face of such challenges is, first, the worth of Jesus Christ.  Compared to all risk, all loss, knowing Him and following hard after His glory is worth it, both for he and his children.  After speaking with Trey, I couldn't help but think of Joshua and other fathers of our faith.  They spoke for themselves and their households in their determination to follow after the Lord and the Lord alone.

The "hard stuff" isn't all that consumes Trey's heart.  There are more eternal things that weigh much more heavily and that he would never trade for silver, gold, or a cozy suburban lifestyle!

"My kids have gotten to see God do His work in MIGHTY ways!" he recalls.  "I'm so blessed that they have learned to pray, to REALLY pray, and see their God answer their prayers!  They pray more than me now and turn to prayer much more quickly.  Their FAITH has been built, and nothing will ever take that away from them."  Trey is also grateful that his children have had unique cross cultural opportunities.  They love to tell people they live in Ebony!  They know that it is different, they know that God moves and works here among the people, and they know that they live and walk among people with whom the rest of the world has not had the chance to relate.  Their awareness and open hearts are a blessing and joy to Trey as their father.

The transition Trey's family is facing also concerns his role as a father.  His youngest son needs more developmental attention than the family unit is able to provide in order for him to really thrive.  Trey could have blindly decided that his own personal calling supersedes any struggle or need his family members may have.  But, Trey doesn't view things that way. He sees his family as a partnership. If one member is struggling, the others struggle with it. So that, when one member is built up and rejoices, the others are blessed in the same manner.  Trey recalled for me, with passion and love wrestling to break through in his voice, that he looked at his son recently and told him, "I would do anything for you."  Of course, Trey didn't mean he would do anything the child wants.  But, Trey tasted our Father's goodness as he realized the capacity within his own heart to fully choose another's best interest over his own interests or desires.  May every father experience and fight to maintain this type of agape love for their children, and, above all, for their Lord!

The pain of what Trey needs to give up for a while, and the weight of the value of this lesson, reflected out through Trey's moist eyes as he described his family's decision making process.  They will leave Ebony for a while and serve in a place where his sweet son's needs can be met.  As a family, they will choose to display the image of God in a way they did not expect when they first came to the field, full of hopes for making an impact in this dark land.  Perhaps this decision will be one of their most impactful moments as a family.  They are not catering to the selfish whims of a child, but making choices of self-sacrifice that are best for their family.  They are carrying the risk that their son may not benefit from this decision like they hope, that he may not ever realize what they have done for him, or perhaps he may simply never appreciate it.  Despite the risks, this family has chosen wisely and will continue to do so.

I am currently living with a woman who grew up in Africa.  Her brave and faithful parents considered Jesus worth the homeschooling, the rabies, the risk of infectious disease, the other languages and cultures their children would be exposed to, lack of available health care, tribal tensions, small church family, and other risks.  My friend says she would not trade her life for the world!  She is now a grown woman with two degrees, serving as a country director for a well known and respected humanitarian aide organization working around the world, as well as in Ebony.  Are you afraid your children might grow up to be like her??  I hope they will! :-)

"The best thing you can do for your kids is to love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength," says Trey from experience.

"And, believe He is big enough to take care of them."

Here's to all you dads who are following in Trey's footsteps!