Question of the Month

Children Attending A Sibling's Birth

Hi,  I am from Singapore. I have four children and the last two were natural birth. I'm wondering if it's  all right to include older children in the birth? My eldest son was interested and he stayed with me while the baby crowned.  Would you encourage it?

Thanks, Catherine

Catherine in early labor with her husband, Twee Lim
 and their children, Jesher (10), Ethan (8), Ksena (4)

What a tender question, Catherine!  So many parents wonder about their children being present during the birth of their siblings and if their ages make a difference whether too young or too old!   It is completely up to how you feel as a mother and how your child feels.   What a wonderful way to bond a family if everyone is comfortable.  It sounds like it worked wonderfully for all of you.  Over the years I've found very positive experiences with children present during the home births I attended.  And if they were older, it was also positive.  Your older children are even more capable of letting you know if they are comfortable being there or not.  It's a personal decision.

Following is an article we featured in the August, 2006 Charis newsletter.  I'm reposting it here in response to your question.  Outlined are some good pointers on how to prepare your children for a positive experience.  I suspect you did all of this with your precious little ones, even your older little ones.  ~ Susan Oshel ~

When Should A Child Attend a Sibling's Birth?
By Penny Simkin, P.T.

     Penny has had the pleasure of teaching sibling preparation classes for children since 1978.  Many of these children were present at their siblings' births.  She has also attended numerous births where older siblings were present.  In every case the children were a positive addition, and by being themselves, contributed to the atmosphere of normalcy and family closeness.  However, there are situations when a child probably should not attend a birth.  To help parents decide, Penny prepared the following list of prerequisites for a positive birth experience for a child who is in attendance. 

1.  Preparation of the parents.  They need to feel comfortable about birth and know how to relax.

2.  A desire by parents and child (if old enough to make such a decision) for the child to be there.  If the child is  hesitant or reluctant to attend the birth, parents should respect that.

3.  An assessment by the parents of their child's emotional readiness.  A child who is ill and feels badly may not tolerate the birth experience well.

4.  Preparation for the birth.  There are books, videos and teaching aids to help prepare them.  Family discussions are wonderful.

5.  A support person for the child, and not the Father.  He is  Mom's support.  Maybe a relative or close friend to look after the child's needs and help with interpretations and explanations as needed.

6.  A labor and delivery staff in a hospital setting (midwives, nurses, doctors) for whom it won't be upsetting to have a child present.  Check on this well in advance.

7.  An alternate plan to use if the child is sick, asleep (and will not wake for the birth), bored, changes her mind, or if labor complications develop that either require a change of environment or is too intense for the child or parents to handle with the child there.  Talking about this with the child prior to birth is part of sensitive preparation.

8.  Realistic expectations of the child.  One should not expect a 2-year-old or 4-year-old to be transformed during labor.  They still fuss, need to go to the bathroom, need cuddling and want to know where their Lego's are.  This is where the support person is a blessing!

     There is no single correct answer to whether or not children should be present at the birth of a sibling.  Parents should examine their motivations, their child's readiness and desire to participate, and the circumstances at the time.

Note from Susan:
This article was reprinted from Midwifery Today, Winter 1993 No. 28.
 Penny gave permission to copy and use it in classes.
Being close to families I've personally helped, discussing and sharing these considerations,
has helped initiate wonderful experiences with children during births.

Send your questions to: