Reflections Of A Midwife

One Midwife's Story

Kristi Zittle

I always knew I was born  to  serve  women in some capacity or another.   I imagine I have been searching for years to find the exact  "niche"  that  God had for me until about  8 1/2 years ago when the Lord led me to homebirth midwifery.   Growing up I had  always  wanted  to  deliver babies.   I  had  originally  thought  that would have to mean obstetrics and yet the thought of years of college and being bound to a practice or hospital was not at all appealing  so I chose another avenue when I finally was old enough to enter college. So, knowing I would not be serving women in this way, I choose to volunteer at a Crisis Pregnancy Center.

At  the  center  I  counseled  young  girls  and  women  facing  unplanned  pregnancies  as  well  as women battling to heal from abortion.   I also spoke to large groups in churches and schools regarding abstinence, sexually transmitted diseases, unplanned pregnancy,   and  abortion.   As  the  years  went  on,   my  role  at  the  center  grew  into  a  part  time  position  planning  and implementing  all of the centers  special fundraising events.   I served at this center for about 10 years and was greatly blessed by the interaction I had with the many women to whom  I came in contact.   But,  it was the childbirth coaching for several of the young girls that really got my interest.  After helping the second young girl through the birthing process and crying over the  miraculous  beauty  of  it  all,   I realized  there  must be a way for me to attain my original desire of helping women bring their cherished babies into the world.

At this time,  I was the mother of four and my husband had chosen to have a vasectomy. Although we were not in agreement with this choice,   I trusted he believed it to be God's will for our lives.   I had experienced  very  easy pregnancies but less than desirable birth outcomes and had always hoped to have another chance at birth the way I had felt the Lord would have it be--natural and Christ centered focusing on my husband, myself and our soon arriving child.   About  2 years after my husbands vasectomy,  the Lord convicted him he had made a wrong choice and had it reversed.   We had prayed long and hard that the Lord would restore him and that if it would be His will,  provide more children for our family.   On  the  day he was released to resume our relationship, I conceived!

We were attending  a  very  conservative church where several families  had  home  birthed their children.   I had never even heard of this as  a possibility,  but immediately called their midwife  and  scheduled my first appointment.   When Steve and I walked  into  the door of her birth office,   we felt  like  we  had somehow stepped  back in time.   I recall Steve saying it was like Little House on the Prairie and we both giggled. It was exactly what we had both hoped for and thus began my dream fulfilled for bringing babes into this world.

During that pregnancy,  I  began  my  studies  with  a  distance learning midwifery  program.   It was exactly what I needed to challenge  me  to pursue  the  knowledge and education I  would  need  to  feel confident as a midwife.   I completed assignment after assignment in record time because  I simply could  not get enough of the study.   I thrived  on  the  research and enjoyed  digging  deeper  into issues and areas that  affected  women  in pregnancy and childbearing years. My friends loved this as they all enjoyed coming to me with their questions that always went unanswered at their monthly OB/GYN appointments.   I became the resident  "expert"  on  all  things pregnancy  and  fertility  since  I  was willing to research and study to find the answers my friends needed. This grew to my being recommended to their friends and family members and finally to my husband saying,  I needed to do this on a regular basis.  After our first home birth, literally moments after,  my husband whispered in my ear that  he  was  ready to  do it all again.   We both knew this was God's best for having babies and that was the crowning moment of our choice to begin the midwifery study and practice headlong.

I   started  my  first  apprenticeship  with  the  midwives  that  had  delivered  me.    They  trained  me  on  how  to  do  prenatal appointments and take vitals, measure fundal heights, get heart tones and check the baby's position within the uterus.  Along with  my  book  learning,  everything  was  solidifying  within  my mind and the hands on coupled with the education was the exact  formula  I  needed  to  grow and become the midwife I was striving to be.   I worked with these midwives to get the basics down and it was about 5 months into my helping them that  I got  a phone call from my chiropractor  about  a  young  woman expecting her first child.  She was carrying breech and did not want the cesarean section she was being forced into.   She asked if I would come to her home and help her bring this baby into the world and after explaining my lack of experience on my own and  securing  an  assistant  (who  had  actually  delivered  my first baby at home and had two years experience herself with a very busy practice) I had a peace to say yes.

I  remember  driving to her home after her phone call that she was in labor.   I  recall  praying  fervently  KNOWING I  did  not know  enough  book  information,   nor  did  I  have  tons  of  practice;   but I also KNEW I could place my trust in the Lord and if willing  to  be  His  vessel would be able to help this couple bring their baby safely into the world.   I had studied extensively by this time,   had research ways to naturally get a breech baby to turn and with chiropractic care and a few other exercises and techniques we had found, had managed to get her baby to turn to vertex exactly 5 days before that day. I remember having a special peace from God as I walked into her home with my bag of equipment  (crude as it was) and KNOWING God was going to be with me and guide me through every moment of this delivery.

When we arrived,  this mama was 8 cm by my best estimate,  having only done a little more than a handful of vaginal exams at the time, and we began encouraging her, supporting her, and soothing her through each and every contraction.   About an hour and a half later,  her body began to instinctively push on its own and  I  knew  baby  was  soon on its way.  I remember  so well,  listening to the heart beat of that little one as it maneuvered  its  way  slowly  into  the  world.  I  remember  all  too  well laughing  with  my  assistant  as  this  mama's  waters  ruptured all over my chest and legs as I sat on the floor with her on the stool. I remember the sting of the tears that entered my eyes as I saw the black tuft of hair enter the vaginal opening and then recess in the all familiar Texas two step.  And then the first time ever I supported a perineum to keep it from tearing and eased skin back  over  a  perfectly  round little head.   Nothing can describe the sheer joy as tears of excitement poured from my eyes when this precious little girl entered my arms and screaming was placed on her Mama's tummy. Immediately pink, head full of black hair like the Indian grandparents that were also crying in the room as she entered. Nothing will ever express the awe I felt recognizing for what I believe to be the first time,   exactly what  Psalm 139  truly  means  in  that  we are  "fearfully and wonderfully made." I was bitten by the bug and I will never recover, praise be to God!

Kristi holding Eliza, her first solo delivery! Her assistant, Ann, is combing the yuckies out of her hair.

Over 200 catches  since  finding  this  love  of birth and so much has changed in my own life. The naivety of birth is gone,  but the awe  is  still  the same,  perhaps even more.   I have personally given birth to six more of my own children and mournfully had to watch two of them die just hours after their births.  I have now experienced miscarriages,  and  pregnancy/postpartum complications and often I believe  it  has  been  God's  way  of  helping  me  to  understand  more  fully  what  the  women  I  will minister to may go through themselves. I have helped women with many cesarean sections finally experience a vaginal birth after being told they would never birth naturally and  have  helped many a father catch his own child building a bond no one could ever sever.   I  have  been blessed to  help many realize the meaning of life and birth;  and,  have also been called upon to minister  to  those  who  have  been  introduced  far  too  early  to the reality of death in the loss of a child at a variety of stages. Through it all,  God has shown  me  how fragile life truly is and the very thin line that is found between life and death which I find we American's  often  miss since we have the  "ability"  through medical science to often  "save" those that otherwise would be lost. I have missed birthdays and Thanksgiving and Christmas' too. Yet through it all I have never once doubted God's hand upon my heart and life as I aid families in finding God's best for them through this stage of life in which they are.

Now eight years later,  older and wiser,  I hope,  I find my approach very different than it was in the beginning; but the goal is still  the  same...to  direct  those  to  whom I serve to the  Father  in  Heaven  who created them and the life within them and to bring  glory  and  honor  to  His  name.   It  is  my  prayer that this will  always  be  what others have to say of me,  that I was a blessing to them and a picture of Him who sent me to serve and minister to their needs. I believe in birth as it was created and I believe  in  the  ability of a woman,  supported by  her loved ones,  to bring a little life into this world safely and calmly in the comfort of her own home. I pray God will continue to use me as a vessel of His service for many, many years to come!

Kristi checking the umbilical vessels during baby Jacinta's newborn exam.

Kristi checking baby Jacinta's lungs and respirations just minutes after delivery.