I should have had ten babies!!!

Maybe I have amnesia and don’t really remember why we stopped having babies after number four.  I think it had something to do with my left leg being in excruciating pain and not working correctly during my last pregnancy because of a car accident I had been in during my third pregnancy and then that same leg revolting after delivery and deciding to be paralyzed for a week.  But, I think I could have toughed it out about six more times.  It couldn’t have been all that bad, right?!? I could have handled another decade or more of toddlerhood!  From where I sit right at this very moment, I think it would have all been worth it.

Forgive me as I write this very personal note.

I don’t really know what adulthood is like without children.  I became a mother for the first time when I was still just a child myself.  Contrary to what some of my friends thought when I chose not to abort or place my first baby for adoption, being a mother didn’t keep me from completely enjoying life.  My life has been filled to the brim with excitement and adventure.  I have done things, gone places, met people, and accomplished things that many people wouldn’t even dream they could experience.  Instead of limiting me, motherhood has enabled me to enjoy life even more than if I had done all those things without my children around.

I enjoy my children very much.  VERY MUCH!  I have loved all the different seasons of their lives.  (The toddler stage, I admit, was a bit challenging, but it was still fun!) Now that they are in their teens and twenties, I am savoring every tiny morsel of time I have with them.  My oldest lives over 1000 miles away and I don’t get to see him and his family nearly often enough (grandbabies should not be 1000 miles away), my second child is getting married in May and moving to Mississippi where her sweetheart lives (I’m NOT ready for that), my tall third child doesn’t fit on my lap these days (he’s OK, however, with the fact that he’ll always be my baby), and my independent youngest isn’t much of a little girl anymore (but she does still cuddle on my lap even though she hangs over the edges quite a bit).

This week, I only have my youngest two children at home and it is very quiet around here.  This is giving me a glimpse into what the empty nest is going to feel like, and I do not like it at all.  Remember, I REALLY LIKE MY KIDS!  I thoroughly enjoy being with them.  I think they’re the greatest humans on the planet.  Is it okay that I do not like the idea of all of them living far away from me?  (Have I mentioned that I am very fond of my offspring?)

If we had ten children instead of only four, I wonder if I would still be feeling the way I do.  I would be busy with nursing babies, chasing toddlers, and homeschooling a variety of preschool and school-aged kids.  Would I have time to miss the ones that are growing up?  Would I???  Now that I think about it, YES, I would!  I would definitely still feel this way.  I would still feel like 1000 miles might as well be a million.  I would still feel the knot in my stomach as I prepare for my daughter to get married and move away.  If I had ten children, I would just get to feel this way ten times.

I guess, since I can’t go back and change anything, I will be content with the way things are, with the four children God has given me.  Instead of wishing for something that cannot be, I will stick with Plan A: Pray for lots and lots of grandbabies, and, with help from God, continue to work toward being the best Mom and “Nannie” I can be.  (I’ll ask God to give me lots of grandbabies who live next door!  Yes!  That is what I will start praying!)

On another note, I have prayed for my children’s spouses since they were born and God has answered my prayers in the most beautiful way.  Eric will be marrying Carole-Lee in April.  Carole-Lee is an extraordinary mother to my grandson Eric, has a way of bringing out the very best in people, and is truly one of the sweetest, most genuine people I know.  I have grown to love her like she is my own daughter.  Joy will be marrying Mark in May.  Mark is a responsible, godly young man who has quickly become a treasured part of our family.  I have no doubt that he will take very good care of Joy.  My heart is overflowing with happiness for all of them.

Enjoy the time you have with your children.  You will blink and they will be grown.

Love and Blessings,
Kristin Schuchmann, CPM, LM (aka “Nannie”)
Executive Director, Charis Childbirth, Inc.