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Becoming a
Midwife
My
Calling, My Heart
God was
good to the midwives...because the midwives feared God, He
established their households for them.
Exodus 1:20 & 21
By
Bethany Stricker
Growing up, I loved babies, but there was a
mystery surrounding pregnant women. I think I was too naive to
notice their growing bellies. To me a baby just appeared; I did not
know from where. I am the youngest child in my family so I never saw
my mother in her childbearing season of life and we never lived near
family so I never saw my aunts or other female relatives in that
season either. Our church culture was such that it was not obvious
to me, as a child, how God perfectly planned and made women to carry
and bear children. I simply do not remember ever seeing a woman go
through her childbearing year or having a relationship close enough
to a woman in her childbearing year for me to understand the process
of new life through her example.
Growing up, I was the little girl who played with dolls. Most of my
friends loved toy horses or Barbies but I cared more about taking
care of my babies. Consequently, whenever I saw a real baby, I was
severely interested and fascinated. I remember thinking they were so
adorable and sweet and innocent. It horrified me when they cried and
I wanted to comfort them.
With babies came mommies and I remember the comments and, sometimes,
whispers that told of how a baby came into the world. I readily
gleaned the fact that it was quite an expensive process considering
those gleaming white hospitals which must have taken a lot of
upkeep. The OB/GYN lingo that went with "doctor" seemed to hold a
lot of weight with those new mommies, too. One thing I knew for sure
was that it involved a lot of blood and pain, but as long as there
was a healthy baby, the process was secondary.
As the youngest in my family, I always wanted younger siblings.
Because of that longing, I planned and looked forward to having my
own children. But whenever the process was mentioned, I became so
confused. How could such a beautiful, blessed baby be the product of
such an excruciating and merciless process? In my young mind things
did not line up. How could the loving God I knew place that
determined fate on all womankind? If that was my future with
children, I quickly thought that maybe adoption or no motherhood at
all was for me instead.
A few months ago, I found a journal dated to March 2006. I was
fourteen at the time. Among other things, it said, "When I grow up,
I want to be a dressmaker or a midwife." I find this to be a
complete mystery because I wrote journal entries so rarely I have no
remembrance of keeping them. It also brings many questions to mind
because I do not recollect moving from the concept of labor and
birth as a medical event to an entirely different scenario with a
midwife. I remember my mother speaking highly of midwives but not
actually having them with her during labor and birth because they
were off duty. Maybe that had an impact on me, leading me to think
midwives were one of the answers. I will not ever know.
When I was fifteen, I stayed with a woman whom I had never met for a
little over a week. I think my mother talked to her on the phone
once and we e-mailed back and forth a few times before I stayed with
her. I had things planned to learn from her and different reasons
for visiting but, when I look back, she taught me some other
important things quite unintentionally.
This woman has three children and twenty-four grandchildren (and
counting!) of whom she speaks with pride. Her grandchildren are all
rather young at present but her children are scattered over the
world leading inspiring lives for the Lord. As usual, I cannot
remember how the conversation came about, but she told me quite
enthusiastically of how her children and grandchildren came into the
world. She is a magnificent storyteller in the first place, and
always has a captive audience. Her birth stories were no exception.
One of her daughters loved to use a birthing stool, while, for
another, she recounted how her daughter put her arms around her
husband's neck and moved her hips in circle motions and all used
midwives. This woman even caught several of her grand-babies. Where
were the shiny hospitals, lab coats, blood, and pain? They were not
mentioned to me. I was only impressed by how highly she talked of
the process, how it drew couples together, and how rewarding it
sounded. There was trust and hope. I was supposed to be learning
some practical skills like cooking, sewing, and gardening that week,
but I was blessed even further by the impressions I had from her
stories. I did not realize the impact these stories had on me. I
just knew I liked what I was hearing compared to what Hollywood and
the culture in which I lived had always told me.
Gentle birth without fear and violence was new to me but I knew it
was what I wanted. I wanted it for my sister and those I loved most.
I mourned for those who experienced less than this. Without knowing
it, I thought every woman deserved such a birth. It was the best.
How could I want less for anyone? But how to become a midwife? How
did that work? What exactly did they do and how did they learn it
all? How could I go through the process myself so others would gain
the same vision and have a gentle, safe birth without fear? I did
not have the answers to anything, but I knew it was a calling I had
to answer. Who else was going to do it?
From the woman who introduced the idea of gentle birth to me, I was
given a name. The name was of a woman who was a doula (I had no idea
what that was yet!), childbirth educator, and aspiring midwife. I
did not know much about her but I e-mailed her anyway, hoping she
could answer some of my questions. Doran e-mailed me back and filled
in a lot of blanks for me. She told me about a couple of Christian
programs that train doulas and childbirth educators. One of them was
Charis Childbirth. I was impressed by the clear ministry goals that
they had and the option to study further in their midwifery program
following their doula and childbirth educator program. A lot of the
other certification programs only trained doulas and childbirth
educators. I was pretty sure I should just be a doula but had not
completely cancelled out of my mind the idea of being a midwife. I
wanted the midwifery option "just in case." What is more, Charis
seemed to be the most organized in how they presented the material
and I got the impression their academic criteria would be
challenging, which appealed to me.
Doran also recommended several books I could go ahead and purchase
now but would also benefit me in any future program. I remember
receiving several of those books for Christmas that year and being
excited yet overwhelmed. How would I learn everything and, more
importantly, how would I ever be able to look at a placenta without
feeling queasy?! I did not know how this could be my calling if I
still found it to be rather gross. That was about six months before
I was to graduate from high school and I prayed, first, to find a
school that was academically challenging and taught from a Christian
worldview. My second prayer was to attend a birth before graduation
so I would know I could "take" what birth entailed. I see now that
is one naive prayer to have prayed!
Two months later, with my parent’s encouragement, I contacted Charis,
received a warm welcome from the founder, and scheduled a phone
appointment. Kristin answered my few questions and I knew God had
answered my first prayer. This school was for me and I was so
excited about starting in the fall after I graduated.
As other things changed in our lives, we also had worshiped with a
new pastor and different congregation than from a few months before.
The congregation was made up of mostly young families, and our
pastor and his wife were expecting their third child. Many other
families were expecting children. I noticed this because it was so
different from our previous congregation, although I do not remember
thinking anything of it at the time. I was graduating that year so
most were curious about what I would be doing after high school.
Midwifery was my answer (still did not know a doula and midwife had
very different roles), but I never went into too much detail as I
was still uncertain myself.
One day at church, Lisa, my pastor's wife, came up to me to say she
and Mike had been praying about it and felt lead to ask me if I
wanted to come to their baby's birth. She made it quite clear I did
not have to come if I did not want to, but she also understood I was
uncertain about my calling. She offered that if witnessing her
baby’s birth would solidify my intentions, she was very willing to
have me. She was genuinely thinking about God's calling on my life
and wanted to help me in this way. I never told her about my
calling. I only told her I was considering it, and I respect her so
highly for being lead by the Spirit and acting on his guiding. If
she had not, I am not sure if I would be writing this today as I may
have never set out on the journey to be a childbirth professional.
My second prayer had been answered and I knew God had made it quite
clear what He wanted for me in the near future. Now I knew it was up
to me if I was going to trust and act on it and step out in faith.
I am an analytical person. I love it when things are black and
white. I did not know how I was going to be a doula and childbirth
educator, but I knew without a doubt it was what I was supposed to
do. He had answered both of my prayers! At the time, I could not
fathom why anyone would want me at their birth, know why home birth
was such a wonderful option, and certainly could not imagine getting
up in front of people and teaching a class! I was reminded that God
equips the called, He does not necessarily call the equipped. This
quote from Ian Thomas comes to mind, "The Christian life can be
explained only in terms of Jesus Christ, and if your life as a
Christian can still be explained in terms of you- your personality,
your willpower, your gift, your talent, your money, your courage,
your scholarship, your dedication, your sacrifice or your anything-
then although you may have the Christian life, you are not yet
living it."
With laying out my “fleece” and having both of my prayers answered,
I knew I had to answer the call. He had answered me so clearly. How
could I not do the same? When I think I cannot write another word
for that never ending paper or read another paragraph with yet more
words that I do not understand, I am reminded that God called me to
this in the first place and promises blessing. Knowing that my life
is not dictated by me or what I am equipped with in the present, is
such a comfort to me. Nothing is impossible and the blessings are
unfathomable.
With that understanding under my belt, I started the doula and
childbirth educator program in October of 2010, just as I had
planned. I enjoyed it immensely, and was challenged and encouraged
by my coach and what I was learning. I still could not fathom
teaching a class or knowing everything in my books but, as I was
reading a biography about a missionary named Lillian Trasher, I was
moved by her childlike faith. She was a missionary to Egypt and
opened the very first "faith" orphanage there. She did not get very
many donations but lived each day by faith. This excerpt is from a
time in her life when her health was declining because of her
self-sacrifice in putting all of the orphan children before her own
needs:
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As
she lay in the hospital bed, thinking about the toll
that being Mama to so many orphans had taken on her
body, Lillian had no thoughts of self-pity. She knew she
would have given more if she'd had any more to give. Her
walk of faith in Egypt reminded her of the fable that
Egyptian children learned at school. It was a story
about a boy who had to cross a vast desert. There were
no watering holes along the way, and so, whenever he
needed a drink, he had to stop and dig a well with his
bare hands. After he had dug several of these watering
holes, his hands were cut and bloody, but he went on.
When he finally got to the other side, he was completely
worn out.
A month later this boy watched as another boy walked out
of the desert. The second boy had taken the exact same
route as the first boy, but he looked fresh and happy,
skipping along with a huge bunch of flowers in his arms.
"How could you cross the desert and look so fresh and
cool?" the first boy asked. "And where did you get those
flowers? I didn't see a single one when I crossed just a
month ago." The second boy answered. "Oh, the way
is beautiful. There are many small wells brimming with
cool water along the way, and around each well there are
flowers and shady bushes. It was easy to cross. Didn't
you see them?"
The first boy looked down at his scarred hands and
smiled. He knew that his own suffering had made the
desert an easier place to cross for those who followed
after him.
Like the first boy in the story, Lillian was content
knowing that God had called her to dig holes in the
desert and that many flowers would bloom as a result of
her toil. page 161-162 from Lilian Trasher: The Greatest
Wonder in Egypt by Janet and Geoff Benge. |
Lillian went to Egypt not knowing what her plans for the future
would be. She went feeling God calling her there but her future was
not guaranteed safe, comfortable, happy or secure. She went because
He was leading her there and she never looked back. The hymn written
by John Elliott based on scriptures Romans 11, Isaiah 40 and Job 41
and Jeremiah 23 reminds me of Lillian and her life. I believe, the
only way she could begin a life so uncertain must have been because
she had these truths planted so deeply in her heart:
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“Oh,
the depth of the riches, the wisdom of God
How unsearchable are His ways.
How profound are his judgments, so high above our
thoughts, And His pathways no man can trace.
REFRAIN
For from Him and through Him,
And to Him are all things!
To Him be glory forevermore!
To Him be glory forever!
Amen! Amen! Amen!
Oh, the depth of the riches, the wisdom of God
How magnificent are His ways.
Who has been His advisor And who has counselled Him,
All He gives us who can repay?
Oh the depths of the riches, the wisdom of God
How immeasurable is His grace!
How unfailing His kindness, so far removed His wrath,
And His mercies are new each day!” |
From this hymn and Lillian’s life, I have realized that even when we
are not sure why we are called, it is still from Him and He still
has a purpose for it. Truly, His ways are unsearchable and when it
is for Him and through Him and to Him, He reveals himself in ways
that we cannot even fathom. I did not know why I had this calling at
the time, but it is amazing to see His hand and His purpose behind
it now.
The last part of my journey might be rather predictable. It seems to
have been obvious to everyone except myself. I was asked often in
those first few months of my studies why I was going to be a doula
and not a midwife. I do not remember having a very good answer
except I felt more comfortable in a supportive role that could take
a back seat during birth if necessary. It was just comfortable
knowing I would not have excessive amounts of responsibility. As I
went along in my studies, my coach honestly asked why I was in the
doula program and not the midwifery program. She noticed all the
work I was putting in and did me a favor in telling me that a lot of
that work could go towards the midwifery program. I had finally
started getting comfortable with the idea that I was to be a doula,
and then she brought up the question I was avoiding! I wanted to
create a network of doulas so hospitals and crisis pregnancy centers
in my area would be able to provide doulas for every mother who
wanted one. I really thought that would take some time and effort!
Teaching childbirth classes at the same time seemed quite a bit for
me to handle. I also saw myself training other doulas after a while,
and the suggestion I instead go on to be a midwife really put a
wrench in my comfortable plans! Becoming a doula did not seem easy
to me, but at least I had a plan to reach my goals. I had it all
figured out, or at least I thought I did.
With my coach's prompting and encouragement, I realized she was
saying exactly what I needed to hear. I did not want to hear it at
first, and I think I just laughed at the idea. I asked some
questions to be kind, but the more I asked, the more she told and
the more I realized she opened up something in my heart I did not
know was there! During that time I came to realize, even in
Virginia, there were huge pockets without access to a midwife who
was trained in out of hospital birth. Virginia is rather kind to
midwives compared to other states and I really thought the situation
was better than it is. The more I came to face reality, I also
admitted to myself that the United States is one of the richest
countries in the world and if a "good" state is like this, I could
only imagine what other states were like, let alone third world
countries. Starting out, I was moved because nobody else was
stepping up to the plate to be a supportive person in the form of a
doula or a teacher in the form of a childbirth educator. How could I
not step up to the plate when I had the resources, the time, and now
the knowledge that there simply are not enough midwives?
So, after being in the doula and childbirth educator program for all
of 5 months, I switched to the midwifery program with hesitation but
enough conviction to not look back. My main concern was that I would
not be able to offer doula services as some women might need the
responsibilities which come with being a midwife. I also wondered if
I would be able to offer childbirth classes like I felt my community
needed. Through time, I have come to realize I will be able to be a
doula and teach classes for some time while I am a student midwife.
I have also come to understand that as a midwife, I will be better
able to teach and support than with just a doula and childbirth
educator certification. Training others will also be easier to make
the ripple radiate even more. The idea I will not be working alone
anymore but with a new generation of aspiring midwives and doulas
excites me. It also gives me hope because with more hearts beating
for the passion of one goal, the easier and more fulfilling the
crossing will be for so many expectant moms, and more healthy babies
will be the result.
When I switched to the midwifery program, you could say I jumped in
with both feet but did not actually know the pool that I jumped
into. I had fairly serious hesitations but knew that from a
financial standpoint, it was better to start the midwifery program
sooner rather than later. I also knew that I could switch back to my
first plan if I really felt I was going in the wrong direction.
Logically, there was no reason for me to not be in the midwifery
program, but I still doubted this new responsibility and adventure
was to be my own personal future. Unlike the doula program, I had
not laid out a “fleece” to confirm the steps I was taking. I do not
know what made me say “yes” then but I know now why I say “yes” each
day. The more I study from a historical perspective, the more I know
about midwifery and its history. As I learn, I come across midwives
of the past that seemed to have done their work as a duty,
responsibility and passion. In A Midwife’s Tale, Martha Ballard is
pictured and her life is drawn out and described through her diary.
This is one expert:
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"What took Martha Ballard out of bed in the cold of
night? Why was she willing to risk frozen feet and
broken bones to practice her trade? Certainly midwifery
paid well, at least by the standards usually assigned
women's work. Martha cared about her "rewards," and she
kept her midwifery accounts carefully. Yet money alone
cannot account for her commitment. Nor is it enough to
say that serving others was her way of serving God. She
interpreted her work, as all of life, in religious
terms: God rescued her from the spring flood, sustained
her through difficult deliveries, preserved the lives of
mothers and children, and gave her the strength to
continue her work. (Even such a prosaic end-of-the-year
summary as "I have Lost 42 nights sleep the year past"
was a kind of spiritual accounting.) Yet religious faith
is also an inadequate explanation. Midwifery was a form
of service and a source of material rewards, but even
more than that it was an inner calling, an assertion of
being. Martha Ballard's specialty brought together the
gentle and giving side of her nature with her capacity
for risk and her need for autonomy.
The Fathers who fetched her in the black of night leaned
on her skill, offering her the command of their horses
and bedchambers, bestowing lumber credits and teapots
for service. The women who circled around her at the
height of travail respected her caring and sustained
strength. The women who reached for her in the anguish
of travail extended her motherhood in their own. Martha
Ballard needed her patients as much as they needed her." |
I have come to learn, just through Martha and
her life, that while midwifery could have been seen as an income
alone, it was also a commitment she dutifully kept to her community
around her. This commitment she had cannot be described as anything
less than a calling, a calling that revealed the “gentle and giving
side of her nature” and one that she kept as a service toward her
Lord. Through her diary, it is also revealed that while doctors and
other educated people came into her community and attended women in
birth, she still kept on with her calling until her death. I have to
ask what made her continue through her entire life even when others
clearly thought their new ways were better than her traditional
ones. I have realized that midwifery, while an occupation to most,
is also a clear cut state off mind and way of care. It differs from
all other occupations that look for the potential pathological
problems in women’s health. It sees pregnancy and birth as a normal
life process and seeks to help instead of hinder this process by
keeping unnecessary interventions statistically low. With this
trust, comes respect for the woman and her unborn baby. The sanctity
of human life goes hand in hand with this respect and it is obvious
to me that Martha Ballard’s calling was to this trust and respect
just like my calling is to the same. I feel as though I have just
seen the tip of the iceberg as far as midwives of the past. Truly,
aspiring midwives have a high standard to live up to that cannot be
lowered.
One of my favorite authors said this about fellow believers, "They
relinquish their lives and hand them over to their beloved Mighty
Commander. This isn't how their journey on earth ends; rather, it is
how their journey begins. Their dreams, their ambitions, their plans
are given up for the dreams, ambitions and plans of their Beloved."
Indeed, this is exactly how my journey began. I was drawn to
midwifery because of child-like romanticism but it has grown into a
passion because of the knowledge I have gained through the doula and
childbirth educator program, midwives of the past and facts of the
present. He answered the prayers I had in the form of a “fleece” and
has prompted me to trade my ambitions for His upon entering the
midwifery program. In the end, all I can say is that the dreams
ambitions and plans of my Beloved is so much more exciting,
exhilarating and fulfilling compared to my own. At the time of this
writing, I have only been in the midwifery program for one month, am
working on catching up on assignments since switching programs and
have still only seen one birth in my short life. "I die daily" and
look forward to what the future holds! All so "THAT I MAY KNOW HIM,
and the power of his resurrection, and the fellowship of his
sufferings…” (Philippians 3:10) |
