Reflections Of A Midwife

A midwife's heartwarming testimony of her life,
her Calling, her failing health and God's Grace!

Anna Lane

     As much as I would hope for the following account to be "literariness correct", time and other responsibilities only permit one day to create a rough draft and another to review, correct, polish, and submit the finished product. In any event, "at the end of the day" may the Lord be glorified and the reader be encouraged in  some measure small or large both spiritually and as a servant in the arena of childbirth.

     One of the most frequently posed questions to a midwife might be “How did you become a midwife?” Sometimes I hesitate to answer if the ministry/trade of midwifery is being elevated above any other. The story of each life is unique - the Lord having equipped each of us for our special assignments that He chose for us “even before the foundations of the earth.”  I personally happen to be equipped for serving women in childbirth. The circumstances in my life molded me like the clay on the potter’s wheel and then spring-boarded me toward midwifery service for God’s people. This includes the pain and tragedies which were redeemed for Kingdom purposes by our God of economy and order. That which each of us put our hand to do should be as unto the Lord, done with all of our strength, and accomplished with order, excellence and diligence. No assignment within the body ranks higher or lower than any others and the paths and journeys of each of us are equally important and interesting, well planned-out by the Lord, and wrought with miracles.

     Having explained all of that, the above-mentioned question may be answered as follows: “ In pondering my own childbirth experiences, there was a deep nagging conviction that what had been done “for” me or “to” me in the medical setting had been unnecessary, painful, counter-productive and traumatic. Although I was unaware of alternatives, with each subsequent birth I moved further away from the conventional U.S.A. model. I often thought to myself that God’s design was magnificent and was insulted by man. An example was an episiotomy. Would God have made an opening that was insufficient?

     About twenty years ago, a woman who had moved to our area from another state appealed to me to help her and her husband with their upcoming birth. Our state was barbaric with few options – no freestanding birthing centers, a few New Age midwives, and no Christian midwives in the central part of the state where we lived, and doctors were highly interventive with no bent toward “natural births”. I felt that this was a bizarre request but agreed to read the midwifery manual that she loaned me. This would be my first introduction to the art of midwifery!

     The book was devoured quickly and I believed that I could and would serve birthing families and that the calling of the Lord was upon me to do so. The intriguing aspect of this decision/call is that I am not by nature a mechanically-minded individual. By this I mean that I have almost never been able to change a vacuum cleaner bag or been able to accomplish even the most simple mechanical tasks. However the mechanics of childbirth - which is an engineering feat involving the baby’s bony head and the mother’s bony pelvis – are clearly comprehended by me which could only be attributed to a gifting and anointing from the Lord.

     I did not help that particular woman, but began studying intensely from that point on. I tried to associate myself with others who were affiliated with birth but it was difficult to make connections and there were no Christian choices. From the very beginning my goal was to lay down my life so that women, especially my daughters, could have peaceful, prayerful, gentle, safe experiences unlike my own. My vision expanded to facilitate births that encouraged the husbands to minister to wives in this most vulnerable time being her “knight in shining armor”- resulting in stronger more intimate powerful marriage bonds - while the women present remained as observant helpful background figures and servants.

     As I was an avid reader and book learner with a gift for teaching, the studying and note taking were natural for me. I do not recall openly divulging my great interest in birth, however pregnant women began to be drawn to me. Just as a car does not need to go down the road tooting “I’m a car, I’m a car!” one does not need to announce giftings and callings. These become apparent and according to the Bible they “make room for themselves”.

     In time, a woman from a nearby Bible School who was expecting her seventh child asked me to “stop in for tea” while she was in labor. Things went quite well but it is a bit frightful in retrospect to realize how little I knew in light of all there is to ingest. After fifteen years, I face the same awesome reality as I continually study and grow and attain – an ongoing process for the duration of my life. Soon afterwards a few random couples were given my name and a local Mennonite community began to call. The floodgates were opened and my midwifery adventure was launched!

     As I studied and considered there were two subjects that I felt inadequately prepared to encounter. The first was shoulder dystocia and the second was breech births. I instinctively knew that the teaching materials were not supplying me with all that I needed to properly manage these situations. Aspiring midwives hope and pray that these won’t present but they are a reality and the time to formulate one’s protocol is in advance.  Just as we ask the Lord to make spiritual principles clear and He faithfully gives us insight and wisdom and understanding, He will answer our cries concerning all areas of life. In His ever so faithful way my path was crossed with Susan who could be considered my mentor. Because we lived far apart from each other, our lessons were usually over the phone as situations arose.  When we first met, Susan took an interest in me and gave me explicit teachings on both the birthing of shoulders and breech births. The following day I attended the (surprise!) footling breech birth of a very heavy set woman, and I carefully followed Susan’s timely teachings with an excellent outcome. Through the years I have used the technique for the shoulders many times. Since then, I heard it said that most new midwives lose a baby due to shoulder dystocia, and I shudder as I recall the specific birth that this would have occurred had I not been well prepared.

     Plan A is for all babies to be well-fitting, average-sized, cephalic, anterior, singletons with no cord challenges. Plan B includes issues of large babies, twins, breeches, posterior or military positions, cord compression, and a number of other demanding variations. Birth is fluid and unpredictable. I have hoped for Plan A’s but have risen to the challenge of the Plan B’s with good outcomes. There is a “day of preparation” for the “day of manifestation”. We must study “to show ourselves approved” and trust the Lord for the rest after we have done our part and all that we can do.

     For the following thirteen years, I had a thriving practice in an illegal state serving two Amish communities, two Mennonite communities, two Charity communities, a few Hutterites thrown into the mix, lots of homeschooling Christians, and a few wonderful and colorful couples who did not fit into any of the above categories. I attended two to eight births per month which involved as much as five thousand miles of travel. The area that needed coverage was the large central part of our state which had few midwives because midwifery had been “gray” and then became illegal which caused most midwives there to move or quit. My prices were affordable for any family desiring to birth OOH. These were years of arduous learning – not only the trade itself but of the politics of midwifery, establishing clientele, and training and losing assistants (which Susan said is the hardest part of being a midwife). I did not normally “risk out” and worked with couples who adamantly hoped to steer clear of the medical system for a combination of religious, safety, and financial reasons, so my level of skill was continually bumped higher as I managed situations that arose. (And they surely arose!)

     Initially I had some influence by Christians who believed that the sole equipment for attending a birth is the Bible. The mistakes that I made during those first years were ones involving praying and not transporting when I should have been praying and TRANSPORTING QUICKLY. There is a time and a place for hospitals in the present. In times ahead, there will be grace when transport is not an option due to persecution, economics, etc. Once I was praying (as instructed by this particular sector of birth attendants) for a placenta that wasn’t delivering with bleeding. When the mother got a bit dusky I realized that the answer to my prayers was the use of MY SKILLED, BLESSED, AND ANOINTED HAND! I put it inside the mother, pushed it past some type of constriction ring and from behind it retrieved the already released placenta (this mother had the same ring develop in subsequent births). I was covered with blood from my hand to my armpit and to help relax the husband, I asked him if he had any idea why midwives statistically buy books, study, accumulate equipment, and quit after attending three births! I believe in operating from a posture of prayer and faith and ministering out of my relationship with the Lord, I study, I intervene in mercy on behalf of the mother and baby to keep them both safe, and I carry whatever equipment, etc. that would help them make a safe passage. I seldom transport, but when unavoidable do so in a timely fashion so as not to cause the medical attendants “extra work” and in the hope that they would respect the caregiver for recognizing and responding to a complication before it turned into a dire emergency.

     In regards to legalities, I have been confronted point blank as to how I justified practicing in an illegal state. Both my character and my Christianity have been questioned. Midwifery is the second trade to be mentioned in the Bible and it is mentioned most favorably! It need not be highly regulated because a skilled midwife with a good reputation will be duly noted and word of mouth will be advertisement enough. The converse is true for a woman who would not be a desirable attendant. In any matter where the law is wrong, it is possible that it will be necessary to discreetly and respectfully disobey, for example: spanking, Bible owning or smuggling, underground churches, or a prayerful non-medical birth. I believe that the safest place this side of heaven is in the center of the will of the Lord and the revealed will of God for me is to trust Him and serve families.  Fear of man and not walking out my calling would be a dangerous place.  The state maintains that safety of the mother and baby is its priority, and I maintain that the main interest of the state is money, politics and greed.

     Once I attended a birth in a nearby city of a lovely baby girl. Afterwards, my assistant and I were downstairs in the kitchen. My car (complete with license plate!) was in the driveway, my equipment was by the door in plain sight, and my lab coat was decorously splattered with an assortment of body fluids common to birth (the only body fluid that doesn’t fly out on us is earwax!). A police car pulled up out front and a uniformed officer came into the kitchen. He approached me and asked if there had been a homebirth. My assistant hoped that it was a joke on her being played by me, but then blanched upon realizing that I did not know the officer. With no reaction of fear or hostility I answered that there had been a birth of a baby girl and at what time and what she weighed. The officer then seemed a bit taken back which added to the drama! It turns out that he was the baby’s uncle and had been waiting for months to tease and scare the midwife, but to his shock I was confident and unruffled and offered to bring the baby down for him to hold. Later my assistant and I discussed the matter. She did not appreciate my humor as I offered that the policeman had no right to report anything as he was also at the scene of a crime! However, my serious comment was that I was walking out my calling, and if he felt that he should report an illegal homebirth thus walking out his calling and following his own conscience, so be it. (He didn’t!) The incident was valuable for me as proof that my conscience was indeed clear. A bank robber approached by an officer would not offer that there had been a bank robbery, give the time, amount and other details. I had not committed a crime or violated any moral principles and had a perfectly clear conscience. We are in a day where good is called evil and evil is called good!

     Another thought on the matter is the issue of the type of laws that the Bible commands us to obey. They concern civil matters. They do not concern family government issues like where and with whom to birth one’s baby. This is a family government issue that the head of house should make with his wife taking all matters into prayerful consideration. He should maintain his position as head of household during his wife’s labor and delivery which is not usually possible in a hospital setting. He is, in essence, inviting into his home women who are experienced in childbirth who will serve and support them, offer suggestions, intervene when necessary, and help them safely navigate the intensities of labor and delivery.

     Jesus was arrested at the “appointed time”. The term “appointed time” became an important part of my prayer life. I rested in the example of Jesus having eluded the authorities until the “appointed time.” Once I was warned that the shower floors in jails are very germy. I dutifully prepared by packing a bag with some flipflops and afterwards didn’t give it much thought ever again!

     My upbringing was as the oldest daughter of an alcoholic father. He had embittered his wife/my mother towards me during his drunken stupors. Consequently, my mother viewed me as “the other woman” and had subtle and not so subtle ways of punishing and emotionally abusing me throughout my childhood and adult life. From what I’ve read and observed in others, my behavior patterns (which thankfully have been broken because of the blood of Jesus) were typical of my upbringing. The oldest daughter seems to have a particular set of issues due to the constant drama and crises and she seems to be a rescuer. This manifests in attracting needy men who do not or cannot contribute to the relationship. I attracted men who purposed out of their own hurts and insecurities to “break” me as I was a woman they perceived as being strong and upbeat. As my first marriage took its last dying gasp I sat down in a little pantry crying and broken. My husband commented, as he looked on, that he had tried to “break” me and obviously he had succeeded. It was inconceivable to me at the time that humans were capable of this type of abuse to another, yet it had been a dynamic of my relationship with my mother and now my husband's.  It did not occur to me to pray and trust the Lord for a work of grace in the weak and needy men, thus the relationships disintegrated. With no healing, wisdom, and/or revelation I would then attract another of the same type and the pattern was ongoing. I cannot honestly blame the men in my life for their neglectful treatment of me or their children because my own issues had attracted them like magnets. In my late forties I became enlightened and took ownership of my bad behavior patterns and issues, and they were broken as can be all types of generational sins, curses, and mistakes made between generations.

     My second marriage had ended at the time that I began to practice. My older two children of six were married and never intuned to midwifery.  The younger four each had turns going on prenatals and had the full experience of being the child of a midwife. I believe that a midwifery practice has the potential of being a homewrecker. It takes prayerful creativity and organization and a supportive family for the ministry to be effective and not at the expense of the family unit. The relationships that are cultivated with the couples especially the women and the satisfaction derived from the ministry and the appreciation for a job well done must not overshadow one’s relationship with husband and children. At this time I will mention Golda Meir, who is one of the most respected world political figures having contributed much toward the establishment of Israel as a nation. In her book, entitled “My Life”, she clearly laments that her life mission was at the expense of her marriage and the wounding and loss of her husband and that her children would have preferred a mother who was with them than one who was “successful”. Perhaps this supports the saying that midwifery is a “grandmother’s ministry” – one that the younger women work towards by studying and gaining experience - with full immersion delayed until their children are raised.

     I deeply loved each couple and was thankful for each birth that I was honored to attend. However my heart was truly at home. As soon as each baby and placenta were delivered and mother and baby were stable I hurried to the phone to joyfully announce my expected time of departure. My involvements in outside affairs or commitments were none, not in church or the community or any form of hobby, entertainment or venture. The care of my children and home, doing prenatals one time weekly, teaching midwifery from time to time, and being on call for births were all- consuming. There was nothing else that I allowed on my plate or that I felt was mine to do. I believed that my children blessed me and sent me out on loan to other families. For this I thank them and trust that the Lord has blessed and rewarded them. My youngest son has been a wonderful servant and often upon hearing the phone ring in the middle of the night would spring out of bed to warm up and/or load the car. I once suggested that he marry a midwife since he was so familiar with the lifestyle. He, though still young, emphatically said that he would not consider it. I am sure that he feels he has paid his dues to the cause of midwifery! My youngest daughter once aroused out of a deep sleep to answer the phone. A somewhat foreign sounding voice asked for me. Knowing that I was en route to the birth of an Amish couple, she assured them that I was on my way to their home and would arrive shortly. This caused a bit of confusion on the other end as the caller was phoning from Hong Kong about a completely unrelated matter!

     Another aspect of those years was the tremendous pleasure I enjoyed in working with people of various cultures, beliefs, and lifestyles. A favorite memory is kneeling on the floor with a basin washing the feet of the Amish mothers who had just birthed. I told them that it was our “footwashing ceremony”!

     My own beliefs are centered on totally relying on the power of the blood of Jesus. Therefore, I have great grace in working with many different “religions” because there is no temptation to go off on rabbit trails or discuss “hobby horses”. It is very clear to all that I am a praying woman who rests each case before the Throne. I bank on the faithfulness and enduring love of the Lord for each birth. In staying focused on salvation by grace, I can avoid the pitfall of discussing differences that are not salvation issues. I also learned to greatly appreciate the strong points of other groups while not in anyway compromising my own beliefs.

     Thus was my lifestyle for about thirteen years. It was overall wonderfully rewarding, though at times it may have been difficult to see couples experience a joy together concerning their births that had not been part of my own life experience. I dealt with this by rejoicing that the enemy had been smitten since I had let my own disappointments be turned around and used productively to lend support to other families. My own pain and loss was becoming a mighty weapon “delivering” new lambs for the Kingdom. Because there was a great distance between my home and the areas that I served, few knew of my personal circumstances. However one close friend commented that she felt it was a type of “suicide mission” to see the joy shared by couples that had been so yearned for but absent in my own life.  Perhaps there was an element of truth to that!

     I have a few comments in reference to the large area that I served.  First, the state in which I lived was attempting to abolish homebirth. I know this to be a fact for several reasons. One was that a labor and delivery nurse friend went to a meeting where it was proudly stated that homebirth was nearly done away with in the state. This was of quite an interest to her since just the night before she had helped me at a homebirth close to where she lived! Anyway, birth certificates signed by fathers arrived at the capitol from numerous counties. The authorities who would have like to have a witch hunt for midwives did not imagine that one midwife was “responsible” for the thwarting of their plans. They didn’t pursue a handful of women practicing in random areas and they couldn’t tell if some of the fathers had actually delivered their own babies with no attendant present.  Had they known it was just one midwife they may have tried to intimidate parents into divulging information. Threatening to call child protective services is a most effective scare tactic. The many counties involved was a great protection for both the parents and myself. Through the years we learned numerous ways to be truthful, respectful, discreet and unexposed.  Secondly, one must get an education and mine included on the job training and travel was necessary. Thirdly, I had a vision for training other women not only to provide service for the segment of society that desired to birth OOH but to prepare for the inevitable hard times that are ahead of us. I have often wished that a woman from each community would rise up and take an interest in birth but I understand that it is a hard call to answer. I have heard it said that “many are called but few choose”. Fourthly, perhaps due to my own traumatic birth (posterior and delivered with forceps) there is a burning desire within me to protect women and newborns from negative experiences while facilitating a special and rewarding event for the couple and their families.

     As the first decade of practice passed which included about five hundred births, I read a book by Bob Sorge. He had been a worship leader and pastor of a large church. Due to a condition involving his voice box he became unable to speak and was afflicted with constant pain. He seemingly lost all, but of course, in reality, he gained much as the Lord redirected his life. He moved onto new heights in the spiritual sense as often happens in times of desperation. As I read the account I strongly sensed that I was going to “lose all” – meaning the practice that I loved and had been blessed with and had worked so hard to build and maintain. I don’t remember being afraid but I was curious as to know what might happen.

     Toward the end of my forties the drama began to unfold. Within a few years I would be nearly bedridden with the prognosis of impending death.  For some readers the details, even in the shortest version, may be boring.  However for those who are chronically ill, know someone who is chronically ill, or wish to be knowledgeable about chronic illness the information may be of great value. I will concisely as possible explain the collapse of my health, the loss of my practice, the spiritual journey, and the restoration that ensued.

     In approximately the year 2000 I was at a church function learning a Jewish dance when I had severe chest pain and was forced to sit down until it passed. I had never been a strong woman. My assistants seemed to bounce back after a night on the town (at a birth!), taking a short nap and carrying on normally throughout the day. I, on the other hand, went home and spent the day in a recliner with a splitting headache and nausea until nighttime when I would fall asleep. A few months later I twice awoke with chest pains. Then I began to have problems with my legs seemingly aching or being cold despite the heat of summer. Some months passed and a few simple events changed the course of my life. The first was a night spent with a handicapped child. She had a respiratory problem and her parents felt that a hospital stay could be fatal due to her tendency to have severe allergic reactions to medications. My experience with newborns and having had asthma was useful in situations like these, so I lifted her over the birthing ball near a steam source, did back percussions, administered a bit of oxygen and some herbs. In the morning, she was quite improved and I was strangely weak. Within a few days, there was a snowstorm that lasted three days during which three mothers birthed. I traveled to the homes in the horrid weather and did not sleep for thirty-six hours. The following weekend I attended a Bible Quiz meet with my children and found it difficult to climb the set of stairs and my purse seemed “too heavy” to carry. (I admit that it was surely overstuffed!) My situation digressed over the next few days as my feet seemed to have weights on them and even moving clothes from the washing machine to the dryer was too strenuous. Realizing that it was my heart, I opted to go to the Emergency Room despite my bent toward alternative care.

     The visit would be the first of a series of humiliations. Thankfully the Lord is faithful to go down into our humiliations and banishments with us.  The doctor was kind and had a good reputation. However there was a problem that I would encounter during the next six years that stalled a proper diagnosis. I am of slight to medium build and not overweight. I have great coloring in my cheeks and there is no pallor or gray tones common to those of ill health. My ankles are very skinny with no retained fluid common to the average heart patient with valve issues. I am a health food type, have never consumed alcohol, nor have I smoked or taken drugs or used pharmaceuticals. My inner strength is often mistaken for physical vitality. For six years I would be humiliated and demoralized and advised to seek mental health care because the male doctors could not make the mental leap that I was a cardiac patient even after hearing my symptoms of severe valve issues and varying degrees of heart failure. I had documented and described the very symptoms listed in their medical journals. Later, I made copies from my chiropractor’s medical book of what I noted to be my symptoms. They were under “left ventricular heart failure” yet the doctors remained “clueless”.

     The doctor at the E.R. did an EKG and a thyroid test and sent me home.  For one and a half years I spent most of my time at home on the sofa. I prayed and educated myself on heart health. There were stabbing pains in what I would later realize was the Tricuspid Valve, pains in my left arm, and aching legs. Sleeping was only possible on my left side and slightly elevated. Faithful assistants helped me keep up with prenatals and attend births. At the end of this first season of symptoms, the Lord sent an article on COQ10 my way. Taking 300 mg. daily of a good quality brand can increase the cardiac output in the bedridden elderly. COQ10 increased my tolerance for activity immediately.

     Another one and a half years passed. I was overall better and continued to read and study. I used very few animal products as per Dr. Shultz’s materials. An alternative M.D. from a nearby city suggested cayenne, which was a tremendous help for my heart though it gave me migraines if used over an extended period of time.

     Summer rolled around and my son and I camped and canoed. Regretfully, I helped him carry the canoe. Many felt I was a hypochondriac and that the heart condition was imaginary and a ploy for attention. Toward autumn, I cooked for company, though I hadn’t been able to spend much time on my feet without feeling very tired. In stores, I leaned on shopping carts. Now I found myself needing to go discreetly to my bed with some form of exhaustion. A strange sound in my ear was my own pulse at the rate of 36 bpm! For most of the days that followed in the next few months, I was unable to get up. A trip to the bathroom took a half hour to plan in advance. Most would pass out with such a slow pulse, but mine had always been on the low side as was my blood pressure, so the decrease from baseline was not so much of a drop for me. This would persist for a few months until there was an increase to 48 bpm with arrhythmia.

     During this time, I had an appointment with a lovely woman general practitioner. She initially was fooled by my overall appearance, but became very sober after the EKG, which showed irregularities. She explained to me that the medical system often finds problems only in the end stages. She felt that I needed a pacemaker. However, cardiologists rarely implant pacemakers without a heart catheterization. I was unwilling to undergo this unnecessary dangerous procedure as 1% of patients die or suffer a stroke.

     After much research and prayer, the decision was made to fly to the Midwest to see a well-known naturopathic physician. After a battery of tests, it was quite apparent that I was in poor health. It appeared that I was suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, my blood sugar levels were erratic, my gut was leaky, on and on. He was sure that these were the underlying causes of my heart malfunction. I went to a large city to have a specialized Cat Scan which showed a 0.0 calcium score. My blood work was excellent. Thus, the doctor who ran the clinic laughed me out of the place and told me to see a mental health care professional.

     During these many months on the sofa, I had put together numerous Scriptures and quotes from Christian figures that allowed me to encourage myself in the Lord. My “tent” was falling apart but my inner man was getting stronger. I regularly took Communion and had a growing revelation of the three-fold redemption of body, soul and spirit. Jesus died so that we could be healed of our diseases, healed of our emotional ills, and for the remission of our sins. I trusted for a miracle. I prayed that my suffering would not exceed the quiet patience and fortitude with which I was bearing my affliction.

     The naturopathic physician implored me to take a rest from midwifery. I was willing to admit that the irregularity of eating and sleeping habits could be contributing factors, but I did not feel that the intensity of births stressed me as some would imagine. I loved births and always looked forward to the next. However, my desire was to be compliant and to submit to him, so I began to pack in faith to move to the southwest. At this time, a miracle was experienced in that I received an inheritance that would cover the costs of tests and supplements, the relocation, and our cost of living expenses during my recovery period.

     A young woman whom I had trained was able to take over my practice in the northern part of the state and a retired midwife called to volunteer her services to one of the Amish communities that would have otherwise been without coverage. Truly we are not indispensable and at times we must create a void so that others will step up to the plate. Many of my close friends gave birth in the months before I left including one who birthed the night before our departure. Over the next two years, I would fly back for some who had no midwife; one December five women were expecting in a two week period so I returned for two weeks and attended their births. I admit that this wasn’t a complete sabbatical!

     I had regained a degree of strength and hoped to work as a teacher in a drug and alcohol rehab. Substances had greatly affected my life though I hadn’t used them myself. We had chosen a second story apartment for safety sake though this was, in retrospect, a nearly fatal mistake. Climbing the steps in the desert heat soon took its toll. Within a few months, I began having shortness of breath and a host of other cardiac symptoms. The most serious indicator is at night when the heart is “at rest” and my nights were becoming increasingly worse. I contacted the Christian naturopathic physician from the Midwest who realized that regretfully he had been mistaken, and that there were indeed cardiac problems. He referred me to a local naturopathic clinic where there was a naturopathic cardiologist on staff.

     Once again it was a huge mental leap for the doctors and students to comprehend that a young woman with my lifestyle and appearance was a cardiac patient. How dangerous it can be for a caregiver to stereotype patients! They scheduled an ultrasound for a few weeks from that first appointment and began to treat me with some random ideas that would normally have been successful. When each failed miserably or caused my condition to deteriorate, they were unable to regroup and acknowledge that there was a condition or combination of conditions that factored into my negative reactions to their treatments. As a midwife, I try to remember that if a woman bleeds it may be due to two (or more) simultaneous causes. In the end, I would find that my heart failure was caused by a multiplicity of issues that the Lord would unveil one by one in His timing. In the meantime, I learned as a caregiver to listen carefully to all my clients and respect their individuality and always consider the possibility of simultaneous contributing factors, especially when the findings, observations and responses are puzzling.

     The doctors at the clinic had recently treated a mountain climber who was diagnosed as terminal by conventional doctors. The various departments worked together and the man recovered and was back climbing mountains. I believe that I appeared to potentially be another “feather in the cap” of the cardiologist and he became increasingly more frustrated as I worsened in his care. Although I had implored them to not try any cardiac stimulants, they repeatedly gave them to me in every known form including a homeopathic one. Each time I would spend 24 hours in bed with a pulse in the 30’s, shortness of breath, and exhaustion.( I had known that the stimulants had a negative effect because of an adverse reaction to a common natural thyroid medication that the naturopathic physician had prescribed which inadvertently stimulated my heart and caused me a great setback. Despite all of my pleading, the cardiologist suggested a supplement and asked me to walk on the treadmill throughout the day (despite the fact that the onset of the heart failure symptoms were correlated with treadmill walking). I crashed immediately and the doctor became fearful. He accused me of being non-compliant, and loudly dismissed me from his care. This added to the trauma I was experiencing physically (mild understatement). I had done everything that he had suggested and suffered immensely for this type of foolish submission.

     My heart vacillated between runs of tachycardia that nearly knocked me over and caused nausea and episodes of bradycardia that left me weak and exhausted. The chemicals and hormones from being in heart failure caused a form of anxiety. PVC’s, a type of irregular contraction, tightened at regular intervals and made me gasp for breaths. Sleeping was nearly impossible due to the air hunger, shortness of breath, and PVC’s. My legs were constantly uncomfortable. The only position that afforded any relief was leaning to the left in a reclined position on the futon. Walking from one room to another was too strenuous, and there was a need for me to have air in my face at all times, especially sleeping. I was totally unable to stand in one spot, climb stairs, lift or carry.

     There was a night when I was dying of a cardiovascular collapse. I did not believe that the medical system had any answers for me and actually believed that I would die in their care. There were clearly some yet unsolved mysteries and I had no confidence that they had the answers. I tried to recall the Scriptures that I had been confessing, crawled to a window near the floor of the house where I was staying and amazingly it opened with little effort. I prayed and rested in the power of the Lord to save me and told Him that if the Creator of the whole universe couldn’t save me that I’d just as soon wake up in heaven. I literally passed out and was awakened about four hours later by the man of the house. His wife had started into labor and it was going fast. I cried out to the Lord for strength and went down and caught the baby! That week was a most horrific nightmare of runs of PVC’s and tears on my part and begging and crying out to the Lord to help me. Death did not overtake me. I had to fly home and though altitudes had not previously been a problem my blood pressure now dropped drastically and I fought for every breath. I prayed and the pilot told us via the loud speaker that there was a lot of turbulence so we needed to fly at a much lower altitude. When the plane descended there was a measure of relief. The turbulence continued and we flew at low altitudes for the entire five hour return trip to the southwest. How great is our God!

     At this time I saw a woman medical cardiologist. She was forlorn as she observed the ultrasound and mentioned that I needed a pacemaker. For some reason this did not happen. We were the same age and this made my case harder for her. She said that it was the most complicated case she’d seen and there was no treatment as I had both bradycardia and tachycardia - two opposing problems. My heart was functioning at about 30% and there was severe regurgitation from two valves. One was misshaped and misplaced and was an anomaly that often involved soft tissue blockages. She began to suggest senseless tests such as one to determine if the regurgitation was “moderately severe” or “severely severe”. I was uninterested, though thankful for the diagnosis, and didn’t reschedule an appointment. I transferred care to another naturopathic cardiologist in a nearby state and barely survived the trip there. He found me to be in double-sided heart failure and put me to bed for one month. We invested in a pair of knee pads to ease the discomfort of crawling to the bathroom, which was the only time I was allowed out of bed. My children were very helpful, but were teens with their own issues common to that age group. I dealt with their needs as best as I could from my sickbed, but all in all it was quite the drama!

     My trust in the Lord was continually growing. Bob Sorge’s books were a source of strength and encouragement, especially “The Delayed Answers to Prayer”. I learned that we must keep our faces toward the Lord at all times and that HE WILL SHOW UP. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but we will be delivered from them ALL. Satan may attack, but God establishes the boundaries. There is such an opportunity for character development in these hard times. I read and meditated on principles such as these and grew stronger. The loneliness could have been overwhelming, but I recognized that loneliness is part of the human experience. I had not been able to make friends or get connected with a church due to being new in the area and having been ill. Some of those that I met were clueless as to how it would feel to be my age and in such circumstances. I continued to take Communion, to anoint my heart, and to trust the Lord for the miraculous.

     After the month in bed I was just able to walk to the kitchen and out to the yard. My surroundings were picturesque and I referred to them as my “lovely prison”. I was so thankful for the beauty and the many blessings in my life. At this time, an old acquaintance from the northeast stopped in.  In her van, she had some equipment which she offered to sell to me. It was a colema board which is used in detoxing the colon. I knew that I had environmental toxins and that internal bathing was one way to detox.  I had also conferred with a variety of people who had chronic illnesses noting that the only way they seemed to be healed was through colon cleansing. Thus I bought the equipment and book from the woman and in my weakened state did the best that I was able. Within a few days, my energy level increased dramatically, the PVC’s settled down to a dull roar, and the tachycardia nearly stopped completely. This was another of a cascade of miracles!

     The explanation for this is as follows: Each night at 2am my liver was dumping toxins into my colon. The mucosal lining was damaged - otherwise known as “leaky gut”. Therefore, the toxins were “leaking” into my bloodstream. The blood was going through a slightly defective heart and chaos reigned. It was like allowing sewage to seep into the well water.  Consuming animal products thickens the blood and combined with the environmental toxins (heavy metals) my heart was pumping thick poisoned blood through defective valves. A part of the puzzle was solved.

     At about this time the Lord quickened to me to wear compression stockings. The load on my heart was considerably lightened because less effort was required to pump the blood up from my legs. More relief!

     I learned various ways to detox, including using a mini-trampoline, greens, water, and soaks in the tub. My previous lifestyle had involved unintentional chronic dehydration of which I repented. Heart valves can become brittle with salt consumption and lack of water.

     The pastor of a nearby church, which I had attended when able, was a man who ministered out of some serious setbacks in his ministry. He was truly “broken bread”. One day I stopped at his office to explain my situation. He prayed for me and truly believed the Lord for my healing. In regard to some of my questions, he told me that as we pray Kingdom pressure is exerted on human circumstances, conversations and events and the Lord’s will is forced to the surface. This has been a lifeline to me ever since. (The pastor was surprised that I wasn’t bitter. I truly wasn’t.  I vowed in my heart to praise the Lord until my last breath even if the entire remainder of my life was spent on the sofa.)

     I was in touch with a pastor from Florida who also believed the Lord for me. He prayed over the phone for me and gave me long sermons. I was familiar with John G. Lake and his sermons and also the testimony of Smith Wigglesworth. Smith prayed for people who were miraculously healed while he himself wore a diaper due to rectal bleeding. He even saw healings of others from the same ailment from which he suffered. When asked what he would do if he prayed for someone and they keeled over dead, he answered, “I’d say – NEXT.” Ours is only to pray and believe God for the results. (Smith was eventually healed!) The pastor explained that the unsaved often receive instantaneous healings, but Christians more often experience reversals in their situations – like slow U-turns. I made notes and encamped upon the Scriptures that he suggested. He asked me to do something in faith and I suspect that he meant “go shopping” or “walk to the mailbox”. I told him that I was going to pack my belongings and move back to the Northeast…..I intended to practice midwifery again!

     My vision in the southwest was to move to the border and serve the Mexican women. I speak Spanish and love the Latin Americans. However, my health was obviously not going to permit that. Over the years I had formulated a basic, but thorough, midwifery course. I decided to trust the Lord for a woman whom I could teach to go in my stead. I called a dear friend who had lived in a neighboring state to the one in which I had practiced, and shared that I wanted to move back but needed help with life in general, and help with starting a practice. She and her adventurous husband were in the process of building a large home and offered to include a birthing clinic with an adjoining apartment as our living quarters. Meanwhile, there was a home that was available as a temporary abode. The move back entailed nearly a month in bed with another bout of heart failure.

     During the previous years, I had developed a friendship with a Christian man from my former state. We corresponded by letters although there was not a romantic interest on either part. However, we eventually realized that we were a tremendous blessing to one another and that the Lord had crossed our paths to complete each other’s lives. This was yet another miracle in my life!

     As I gained a bit of strength, I chose to get tested by a lab that had a high tech method for determining deficiencies and body chemistry. The call with the results informed me that I was dying – to expect to have a massive heart attack or a deadly fast form of cancer that would take me quickly (with the implication was that I already had cancer). My tests were the second worst that they had seen in fifteen years and no one with such results had lived for a year. This was disappointing news but the Word tells us that we are not to fear bad news. It was a truthful depiction of the natural state of affairs but did not necessarily reflect the spiritual truths and promises of the Lord!

     I spoke with the pastor of a nearby church who asked me if I had received a release from the Lord. I did not believe so. Jesus gave up His spirit because it was the appointed time to do so. I began to confess the Word out loud because my body must come under subjection to the Spirit. The body and immune system respond to positive and negative input and the Word is surely alive and powerful and healing. I read of others that had begun to confess the Word out loud like medicine or supplements to the body and been healed from terminal diseases. I learned of a pastor from Florida who was full of cancer. Each week the men prayed that he would not die until he had finished his work here on earth. He pastored, traveled and worked fulltime - despite the tests that showed no remission. It was from this posture that I moved out in faith!

     I learned from the lab that my pH levels were horrible. I began to correct this. I had believed that the Lord had shown me to avoid animal products.  Controversial teachings confused me at times, but in studying that they thicken the blood I took the plunge and purged the few that remained in my diet. My heart had immediate relief. This was another miracle. My blood was thinning from proper hydration and the changes in diet. It was less toxic due to the various measures to detox. and there was a notable positive change in my energy level. I was also sold a pharmaceutical grade of COQ10 at a health food store when I explained my plight. This was another example of the Lord “showing up” as I kept my face toward Him.

     I watched videos by Dr. Lorraine Day and Dr. Malkmus and Dr. Shultz.  The teachings were applicable to my case. At this time the Lord put in my path information and equipment of Dr. Carey Reams. He was a Christian biochemist whose methods are taught in a book entitled “Biological Ionization As Applied to Human Nutrition.” I began testing my pH, salt toxins, electrolyte levels, and blood sugar. Of these the blood sugar was the most notable. Simply put, I was never ever in the normal swing range.  I used a refractometer and tested my urine throughout the day and the level hovered near O. To never be in the normal swing range meant that my heart and cells in my body never received the correct amount of oxygen. I was severely hypoglycemic. Though my particular case was a drastic one this is a health issue of epidemic proportion in our country. Blood sugar is one of the most important underlying factors of physical and emotional well being. I have read extensively on hypoglycemia and the healing of the pancreas and related organs. It took ten months of rigid scheduled eating and hydration. The list of foods that kept my blood sugar from spiking or crashing was very limited. However healing occurred and the list was expanded. My heart experienced increasing relief. I studied extensively, however the information is too detailed to share here.

     An article was given to me at a birth during this ten months concerning the phytonutrients in greens which heal heart valves. I had felt that the Lord had spoken to me about eating greens. Greens were one of the few foods that did not aggravate the hypoglycemia. I began to juice greens as well as consuming them in supplement form. My conclusion is that the COQ10 is crucial and the greens have promoted detoxification and healing. Slacking off on the green juicing is evidenced quickly with an escalation of my heart symptoms. When I am faithful and disciplined I am able to be on my feet longer without pressure or fatigue and have much more stamina and energy. At the time of writing this article it is still imperative to avoid steps, lifting or carrying but there are regular notable improvements!

     Basically, my understanding is that chronic dehydration is an underlying factor of many health issues. Lack of minerals and enzymes and Omega 3 oils is another. These are found in fresh, raw, unprocessed fruits and vegetables, seeds and nuts, and whole grains. I practice eating raw with one meal daily consisting of lightly steamed or stir fried veggies. Positive results are noted from week to week. I am sleeping more deeply than I have in years. A pounding in my chest that is associated with being a precursor to massive heart attacks has ceased to occur. I can sleep in more comfortable positions and do not any longer suffer from sleep apnea. The damage from low blood sugar to the vessels behind my eyes is healing; my vision is improving.

     The move was made to the apartment/clinic which is aptly named “Sacred Beginnings”. I am trusting the Lord to open the floodgates and establish another practice here according to His will. There are people that He has sent my way who have cancer or chronic illnesses that have benefited from my journey. Basically, I try to explain getting the “bad stuff out” and the “good stuff in”. I try to keep supplements to a minimum and encourage exercise, fresh air, sunshine and a wide variety of unprocessed foods and proper hydration. There are also opportunities to encourage the women from my former state who are being raised up to serve birthing couples. A missionary from China has begun to study - she has a vision of living and practicing midwifery in the countryside of a poor province of outcasts. News of our services is slowly getting around and there have thus far been a fair number of babies born here including two sets of twins!

     I read once that the Lord gives and withholds whatever it takes to draw each individual unto Himself. Because of a heightened relationship with Him and all that I’ve learned concerning His faithfulness, I do not regret my affliction and am thankful for it. It was necessary for my growth and character development, and for His Kingdom purposes. I will believe that there was a reason for each step of the way including the pain, loneliness and sense of perplexity that were part of the experience. My goal is to stay productive and “in harness” until my assignments are complete on earth. Thank you for taking the time to read and ponder this which I have shared from my heart. May you be richly blessed and walk worthy of your high calling and dignity. May your projects and endeavors be undergirded, your purposes being His purposes because you know His heart, so that by His power He will fulfill every good purpose of yours and every act prompted by your faith. (2 Thess 1:11)

Anna Lane, February, 2007